Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat!

Look at the Crowd

2008-01-07T23:01:00.000-06:00

Size Matters Not

2008-01-03T21:26:00.000-06:00

Boy, 11, Uses Toy Lightsaber to Defend Mom From Attacker

An 11-year-old boy demonstrated The Force when he defended his mom by hitting an attacker with a toy lightsaber.

The man, in his 30s, fled after being confronted by the youngster outside a bakery in Swardeston, near Norwich, England.

Police said the boy hit the man with his toy after the man had punched and verbally abused his mother as she approached her car.

Experience

2007-12-17T11:55:00.000-06:00

Washington Post.com:

Obama tossed back a remark by President Clinton during his 1992 campaign to answer questions by both Clintons about Obama's short political resume (he was elected to the U.S. Senate two years ago, after eight years in the Illinois state Senate). The Clinton campaign believes one of Obama's greatest vulnerability is his short tenure in public office, especially with the country at war, and the issue is expected to surface again and again in the weeks ahead.

"Here's a quote," said Obama. "The same old experience is irrelevant. You can have the right kind of experience or the wrong kind of experience. And mine is rooted in the real lives of real people and it will bring real results if we have the courage to change. And that was Bill Clinton in 1992."

Garland Out, Cabrera In

2007-11-19T23:10:00.000-06:00

Now it gets interesting. The first of perhaps many moves?

ChicagoSports.com:

Cabrera, an excellent shortstop who also is signed only through next season, is due $9 million; Garland is due $12 million. Normally the money goes to the team taking on salary, but Garland's trade value was so high that Williams was able to get cash even though he is shedding the bigger commitment. That almost never happens.

Williams compares the deal with the trade that sent Carlos Lee to Milwaukee for Scott Podsednik and Luis Vizcaino before the 2005 season. The difference between Lee's $8 million salary and the combined $1.85 million due Podsednik and Vizcaino allowed Williams to make some more moves, most notably signing A.J. Pierzynski and Orlando Hernandez.

It's clear Williams wants to sign one of two free-agent center fielders—Torii Hunter or Aaron Rowand—and the extra flexibility will help. But the plan to add players through free agency runs deeper, and Williams is confident he can turn Garland into Cabrera and another player or two.

"The message I have been giving everyone we have targeted is we are 100 percent committed to winning a championship in 2008," Williams said Monday. "Yes, I always have my eye on the future, but I'll tell you this: Last year did not sit well with any of us. I'll be damned if we go through that again."

Eyes on Iowa

2007-11-19T20:38:00.000-06:00

Jump...Barrel...Jump

2007-11-03T06:04:00.000-05:00

A-Rut

2007-10-30T21:54:00.000-05:00

Dear news media,

Please, please, please quit running articles that say Alex Rodriguez will potentially end up with the White Sox.

And here's why: Scott Boras. The White Sox have a history of not working with the guy. So why all of a sudden would they be in the market for his show pony? They wouldn't. A-Rod will have to put up his gaudy numbers with no postseason results someplace else.

That is all.

Sincerely,

Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat!

Greatest Hits

2007-10-30T21:35:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears has a greatest hits album. Seriously. Britney Spears. And it came out in 2004.

She's now 26 years old.

Yeah...that's a career.

Mysteries of the Universe

2007-10-29T20:11:00.000-05:00

As a universal rule, staplers will always, ALWAYS have plenty of staples in them when you are in no hurry. That said, as soon as you have something you need to staple quickly because you're rushing off to a meeting, the stapler will be empty. It's strange, infuriating, and true.

I'm Guessing These Guys Aren't Stopping at Railroad Tracks

2007-10-16T23:20:00.000-05:00

Viva Viagra

2007-10-15T22:20:00.000-05:00

Those happy-go-lucky, can't stop singing about Viagra, guys are still going at it. I'm surprised Pfizer keeps running this pathetic ad.

The commercial has been on the air for MONTHS.

Wait...months?

If the Viva Viagra ad campaign lasts longer than four hours aren't we supposed to call a doctor?

Critics Say It's...

2007-10-15T21:35:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or have there been about a hundred different films labeled "the funniest film of the year"?

Egads! Sputnik!

2007-10-09T22:52:00.000-05:00

Even though the Cold War is now a chapter in American history textbooks it appears that some people are still scared of Sputnik.

LA Times:

Google Inc. occasionally features light-hearted doodles on its colorful home-page logo to commemorate special occasions. But now they are drawing criticism from conservatives for not being more patriotic.

The Mountain View, Calif., company bathes its logo in stars and stripes every Independence Day, but last week's decision to honor the 50th anniversary of the Sputnik launch -- the second "g" in Google was replaced with a drawing of the Soviet satellite -- is being blasted by some conservatives.

Not only did Google honor an achievement by a totalitarian regime that was our Cold War enemy, they griped, but it did so without having ever altered its logo to commemorate U.S. military personnel on Memorial Day or Veterans Day.

So given the variety of problems plaguing the world, the paint job is what some people are spending their time focusing on?

Hmmmm...

Google: misplaced priorities.

Foreign Policy Wisdom from Obama

2007-10-09T07:44:00.000-05:00

Chicago Tribune:

Obama also defended his previous statements about being willing to meet -- without precondition -- in the first year of his presidency with the leaders of Iran, Syria, Venezuela, Cuba and North Korea.

"Kennedy had a direct line to Khrushchev. Nixon met with Mao. Carter did the hard work of negotiating the Camp David accords," Obama said. "Reagan was negotiating arms agreements with Gorbachev even as he called on him to 'tear down this wall.'"

Wild Card

2007-10-05T21:38:00.000-05:00

ESPN.com:

"I made my arguments and went down in flames. History will prove me right." -- Texas Rangers owner George W. Bush after voting against realignment and a new wild-card system during a Major League Baseball owners meeting in September 1993. Bush was the lone dissenter in a 27-1 vote.

15 Minutes of Fame

2007-10-01T19:02:00.001-05:00

Supposedly everyone will get 15 minutes of fame. But who really believes that? Let's face it, most people -- if they get any "fame" at all -- will get far, far less than 15 minutes of it.

To quantify this, the research department at Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat! conducted a highly unscientific survey to determine what people do with their 15 minutes (or less) of TV fame.

Here's a look at the results:

3 percent: Streaking

Once a more popular choice for TV fame than today (due to the fact that most sports broadcasts no longer show crazy fans running onto the field), streaking is still the favored attempt at fame for a small, but dedicated percentage of the population.

Estimated actual time of fame: 20-30 seconds depending on the speed of the security guards on duty; roughly a semester around the frat house

15 percent: Hand concealing the face

Made famous by individuals appearing on Cops, raising one hand to ruin the TV camera's shot and possibly retain one's anonymity while being escorted into a police vehicle is a common use of TV fame.

Estimated actual time of fame: four to five seconds; actual time may increase depending on how many local TV newscasts use the footage.

22 percent: American Idol

A dedicated contingent of Americans regularly line up for the chance to showcase their lack of singing skills on FOX's American Idol, and maybe, just maybe, garner a Simon Cowell insult so merciless that it becomes the stuff of family lore for three to four generations. This newer method to gain one's 15 minutes is increasing in popularity.

Estimated actual time of fame: 20-45 seconds; longer if the clip makes it to YouTube.

60 percent: Sports fans

Despite the increase in all of the above methods of securing TV fame, none have come close to the "sports fan" method.

Originating with the inception of television, the sports fan method for 15 minutes of fame can most commonly be identified by the individual shouting, "WHOOOOOO!!! WHOOOOO!!! NUMBER ONE, BABY!!! WHOOOOOO!!!" This exclamation is utilized no matter how much the fan's team is losing by and irregardless of whether the fan's proclamation of first place status is accurate or not. An adaptation on this method is used at golf tournaments, when the sports fan shouts, "IT'S IN THE HOLE!!!" at the moment the club head makes contact with the ball. This method is most expertly used during the tee shot on par fives.

Estimated actual time of fame: two to five seconds; screen time is most commonly determined by how quickly the broadcast goes to commercial or goes back to showing sports instead of drunken blowhards.

Researcher's note: Though there are other methods of achieving fame, all others examined for this report were determined to be statistically insignificant.

MLB Play-In Game

2007-10-01T13:03:00.000-05:00

I feel like I'll probably be rooting for San Diego (which is German for...) but I think Colorado will ride their late season surge and home field setting to move on.

We'll see...

(Hey, I did correctly predict Philly would win their division).

Note: These predictions are provided solely for my entertainment. If you use them for anything else, you're crazy.

Guess Who Must Be Reading This Blog...

2007-09-23T21:54:00.000-05:00

The Wisconsin Badgers were found in violation of Spaulding Law the last few weeks when they wore the unitard look (matching jersey and pants) on the football field, seemingly turning their backs on the wonderful, rich football history of the school.

Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat! jumped on the team immediately and criticized them soundly for dressing like amateurs.

Then came this week versus Iowa...

Wisconsin State Journal:

Since Bielema figured it was going to be an old-fashioned Big Ten game, he had his players go back to their customary white pants, instead of the red ones they wore in the last two home games.

"I talked to our team on Thursday night, I said, 'You know what, this is an old grind-out football game, we're playing one of our arch-rivals, it's a 40-40-2 (series) split, a rivalry game, it's a trophy game, let's get back to doing what we do best, ' " Bielema said.

"They all started grinning. (Defensive tackle Jason Chapman), who never says anything, exclaimed very loudly that he likes the white pants look. We have to keep everybody guessing from here on out."

You know what this means...

...Bielema reads this blog.

Thanks for dressing your team like football players this week, coach.

We'll be sure to speak up if you bust out those red pants with anything but the white jersey tops.

Let the Speculation Begin

2007-09-23T15:45:00.000-05:00

21.5 games out of the Wild Card lead with seven games left to play, there isn't much of interest left to follow in the White Sox season this year. Let the offseason speculation begin...

Chicago Tribune:

...But with Cleveland on the verge of clinching the division for the first time since 2001, emphasis has shifted to how the Sox and Twins will regroup, whether it's Minnesota surviving the potential loss of All-Star center fielder Torii Hunter or how Sox general manager Ken Williams will revamp his roster after a disastrous 2007.

Williams hasn't been shy about making bold changes, such as reshaping the lineup that produced a 2005 World Series championship. A retooled bullpen was 2007's major alteration, but it collapsed two months into the season.

Manager Ozzie Guillen expects Williams to make more daring moves, but he doesn't expect first baseman Paul Konerko to be involved.

"I don't think Konerko is going to be one of the guys [traded]," Guillen said. "We don't know, but I don't see that coming. I see [pitcher Jon] Garland saying, 'I'm going to get traded.' I don't think that's the right comment because we don't know that.

"One thing about Kenny, he will let you know what you need to know. If we put any one of our five starters on the market, someone will take it. You have to be careful of that and say, 'Well, why do these people want to take it and we cannot keep it?'

"I'm not just talking about Garland. I understand why he thinks about it because it seems like every year he's been [rumored to be] traded. But we're not going to play dirty with guys who were important for us. We're not going to lie to people."

The Most Dangerous Round of Golf EVER

2007-09-17T20:00:00.000-05:00

I wasn't too too concerned that I played golf through the world's largest mosquito convention on Sunday afternoon until I saw this...

Reuters:

Bullfighter wiped out by mosquito

Fri Sep 14, 4:38 AM ET

MADRID - If the bulls don't get you, a mosquito might, as Spanish bullfighter Jose Maria Manzanares has discovered to his cost.

After surviving 57 bullfights this season with the usual share of gorings, tramplings and tossings, Manzanares dropped out early suffering from Dengue fever.

...Manzanares had been fainting and generally feeling unwell for months, but doctors could not decide what was wrong with him until detailed tests showed he was suffering from one of the milder forms of Dengue.

...The more serious forms of Dengue kill hundreds of people every year especially in Asia.

I'd better WebMD the Dengue fever symptoms...

Kind Actions Deserving of Attention

2007-09-16T22:22:00.000-05:00

When all we seem to hear about are the tales of people in or surrounding sports that are only in it for the profit, we need to be sure the stories of the Will Stewarts of the world are shared.

MLB.com:

Fan gives home run ball to Thome

09/16/2007 8:50 PM ET
By Alex Gyr / MLB.com

CHICAGO -- Sell it, keep it or give it back?

That is the question that is left to every fan that comes away with a milestone home run ball. With the news that Barry Bonds' record-breaking home run ball recently sold for $750,000, the stakes are as high as ever.

So when Jim Thome's 500th home run ball bounced into Will Stewart's hands, it should have been a tough decision for the 28-year-old accountant. Instead, he admitted the choice was easy.

"I feel it is a part of Chicago baseball history," said Stewart, right after handing the ball back to the White Sox slugger during a postgame press conference.

...The game was actually Stewart's first ever at U.S. Cellular Field. The Austin, Texas, native flew into Chicago early Sunday morning for an accounting conference and decided to take in a game on the South Side before getting to work.

He bought a ticket in the left-center-field stands online, not knowing that Thome was nearing the historic home run mark. After coming straight from the airport, he found out about the slugger's home run chase when he got to the ballpark. When the big fly was hit, Stewart turned out to be in the right place at the right time.

...Thome has said for days as he approached the mark that he wanted the ball back and planned to drive with his father to deliver it to the Hall of Fame.

While Stewart is passing up whatever the ball could earn at an auction house, he isn't coming away empty-handed. After the game it was announced that he would receive a number of signed pieces of memorabilia and two season tickets for the 2008 season.

In another truly altruistic move, Stewart elected to donate the two season tickets to the charity of Thome's choice. The tickets will be auctioned off during the Joyce Thome Benefit for the Children's Hospital of Illinois, an event named in honor of Thome's late mother.

"As I'm from Austin, Texas, and not from the great city of Chicago and not able to use the season tickets, I've asked to donate the season tickets to your charity for use," Stewart said. "That's the best thing I can think of to give back to the city of Chicago."

Looking beyond yourself to the larger picture -- that's a lesson that bears remembering even when you're not at the ballpark.

Mr. Stewart, you're welcome on the South Side anytime. Thanks.

As Heard at Miller Park

2007-09-15T20:23:00.000-05:00

"I like night because I get to play NOCTURNAL!"

-- A 4 year-old girl leaving the Brewers game

As Heard at Camp Randall

2007-09-15T15:22:00.000-05:00

"Up yours, Michigan!!!"

-- Shouted by a 10-year old girl, who was previously disinterested in the Wisconsin-Citidel game until the Badgers scored their final touchdown.

Uniform Blasphemy

2007-09-15T14:17:00.000-05:00

The photo at the top is a Miami (Ohio) University football player. The photo at the bottom is a University of Wisconsin football player. Anyone else see a problem here?!? When a football school like Wisconsin starts dressing like a not-known-for-our-football school like Miami (O-h-i-o) you know you're not doing something right.

Why this hideous (matching colored pants and colored jerseys) uniform decision?

AP:

[Badgers coach Bret] Bielema broke with tradition for the Badgers' home opener two weeks ago against Washington State, dressing the players in all red instead of red and white. While the new uniform drew a mixed reaction from fans, the players loved it, and Bielema said it will be back against The Citadel.

"I love to see just red swarming the football," Bielema said. "As this thing hopefully gains momentum, it will have a huge effect at Camp Randall."

While time will tell if Bielema's color scheme catches on, the Badgers are riding an 11-game winning streak that is tops in the nation.

Memo to Bielema -- the winning streak started back when your team dressed like football players, not wrestlers in a unitard. Bring back the white pants.

[Note: Before my reader asks, yes, the all white road uniforms are A-OK because that is a classic football look. The unitard, on the other hand, is something that a high school team would wear when the school district can't afford to buy both home and road pants].

The Problem with Apple TV

2007-09-15T11:59:00.000-05:00

Forbes has a big article about Apple TV, Apple's computer-to-TV video streaming box, that the publication declares an "iFlop."

Apple TV may be an underperformer now, but it doesn't have to be.

As an avid Mac user who is ordinarily easily pulled into the Steve Jobs reality distortion field, let me tell you the problems with Apple TV:

1) Requires a flat screen TV

Most people still have standard televisions -- not the flat screen beauties. And for whatever reason, Apple TV doesn't play with regular televisions.

Flat screen TV prices may be falling, but that still doesn't mean that everyone has them. Apple seems to overlook the fact that it is the college crowd which made the iPod the most recognizable media player on the planet (after all, look around any college campus and all you'll see are white headphones). The catch is that for the early adopter, college crowd a flat screen TV of any size worth purchasing is still out of reach. $300 bucks for a top-of-the-line iPod? Sure. But $2,000 for a TV? No way.

Limited early adopter pool = no momentum.

2) Poor quality

For those that can afford a flat screen TV there's a reason that they bought one -- because the picture looks amazing. How does the Apple TV look? Well, not so good. Go into an Apple Store and even the demo doesn't look compelling (and the TVs they are using for the demos aren't even that big). That's because Apple's iTunes store doesn't sell any high definition content. The video you get on iTunes looks great on an iPod, acceptable on your laptop, and downright mediocre-to-poor when blown up on a large TV.

The content quality hasn't caught up with the technological capabilities Apple TV appears to be presenting. The result is a sub-par, very un-Apple-like experience.

3) It's not a TiVo

Apple TV has a hard drive in it. What do we want to do with a hard drive connected to our television? Use it a digital video recorder (DVR) a.k.a. TiVo, of course.

Apple TV has zero, zip, nada TiVo-like capabilities. It is a svelte box for streaming the content you have in your iTunes library (video/music) to your TV and that's about it. (True, it can access movie trailers online, and display your digital photos but these features aren't going to make you run out and buy an Apple TV).

4) It's too expensive

The problem is Apple TV does so little (stream content from your computer to your television) for such a big price. [The price is "big" because the Apple TV content doesn't look spectacular, it doesn't satisfy those other "needs" we all have -- it's not a TiVo, it is not a DVD recorder, it's not a video game player -- and it will require most people to buy a flat screen TV if they want the Apple TV experience].

The Forbes article says that the components of Apple TV cost $237. On a $300 product, that doesn't leave a lot of room for profit. So it is true that the company isn't making much off these things, but that offers minor consolation for the consumer.

Solutions

Apple TV needs to be overhauled and replaced with "Apple TV 2" (for lack of a better term). Here's what Apple TV 2 should offer:

Works with all TVs, not just the new flat screens (make Apple TV an option for all who are interested in it)
DVR capabilities (enabled by a bigger hard drive) -- this would truly lay the groundwork for tearing down the barriers between our TVs, DVDs and downloaded content
Ability to stream DVR'd content back to your PC so you can "save it" by burning it to a DVD
Ability to transfer television content saved on your Apple TV 2's DVR to your iPhone, iPod Touch or notebook computer so you can watch your shows on the go
Same $300 price tag

If Apple gives us this (and any other whiz-bang ideas that Apple can dream up like no other) then Apple TV will be a success. Whether we get there or not is simply a matter of whether or not the company believes in the product.

Apple TV right now is half a product. Here's one customer who hopes Steve Jobs and Co. will make it a whole.

More How I Met Your Mother Awesomeness: Greatest Pickup Line of All Time

2007-09-13T12:44:00.000-05:00

Barney's Top 10

2007-09-12T20:07:00.000-05:00

If you watch TV and you don't watch How I Met Your Mother, what is wrong with you?

How great is this show?!? Did you see the one where Barney turned a moving truck into a bachelor pad?

Guillen Contract

2007-09-11T23:58:00.000-05:00

If you're looking to purchase a White Sox jersey this offseason, your only safe bet up until tonight was Bobby Jenks (after all, it is not certain that any of this year's White Sox team will be back). Now, it appears you can add Guillen to the "safe" list, as he has received a contract extension though 2012.

AP:

"The problems that we are having right now, I simply do not believe that they are problems that are with our coaching staff or with our manager," general manager Ken Williams said, calling the contract extension an easy decision.

"I already said previously that I put all that weight on my shoulders. I'm the one that has to put them in a better position to win baseball games and that means going out and making the necessary adjustments to get this team where we are better and get guys back up to their normal level of production."

Williams said he wanted the players, Guillen and the fans to know that the White Sox -- who had 99- and 90-win seasons before this year's debacle -- would engage in an offseason plan to ensure there would not be a repeat of this year's record.

..."This is the worst summer I've had in all my career because I was too soft. I was kind of worried about what people were going to say about me," Guillen said. "I could care less what people say about me as long as I win."

Guillen was voted AL Manager of the Year in 2005 but the White Sox slid from contention early this season and were 61-83 entering Tuesday, tied with Florida and Tampa Bay for the poorest record in the major leagues.

...Now Guillen will be a major part of the restructuring and there certainly will be some criticism of his new deal after such a horrible season.

"I respect that because everybody has their own opinion," Guillen said. "I think I should be criticized for the way we played this year. ... Believe me, after this year and last year what I went through, I'm bulletproof. I've been taking a lot of heat. I don't blame people for putting me on the spot because of the way played."

San Francisco 49ers Uniforms

2007-09-10T21:53:00.000-05:00

San Francisco is wearing their "alternate" uniforms tonight. If you're wondering what those look like, they look exactly like the classic red, gold and white uniforms that you see every time you see a Joe Montana-Jerry Rice highlight. In other words, its the uniform you would always picture the team in, not some trying-too-hard-to-be-cool look that they've been wearing. The 49ers look great tonight.

The 49ers "regular" uniforms in recent years have used a darker red, more metallic-ish gold pants, and (the marketing-gurus gone wild inclusion of black). In other words, a downgrade -- not an upgrade -- from the classic uniforms.

The 49ers equipment manager would be wise to "lose" the black and crimson stuff. Keep the Montana jerseys!

As Heard at the BMW Championship (Golf Tournament)

2007-09-10T13:11:00.000-05:00

"Look at that. These guys all hit it so close [to the hole]! I mean, we'd hit it over there (motioning to a part of the green far away from the hole) and have an orgasm."

Playing to the Lowest Common Denominator

2007-09-06T22:58:00.001-05:00

A movie called Shoot 'Em Up is coming to theaters soon. Then, this fall, ABC is bringing us a new TV series called Dirty Sexy Money.

OK, that's it. I can now tell you that shows/films are being approved based solely on how their titles perform and appeal to focus groups.

How do I know?

Well, I just got the green light for 15 episodes of a new TV show I'm developing called Wet Firearms Poker.

This Is Just Cool

2007-09-04T20:34:00.000-05:00

3,000-Year-Old Beehives Found in Israel

By MATTI FRIEDMAN

JERUSALEM (AP) — Archaeologists digging in northern Israel have discovered evidence of a 3,000-year-old beekeeping industry, including remnants of ancient honeycombs, beeswax and what they believe are the oldest intact beehives ever found.

The findings in the ruins of the city of Rehov this summer include 30 intact hives dating to around 900 B.C., archaeologist Amihai Mazar of Jerusalem's Hebrew University told The Associated Press. He said it offers unique evidence that an advanced honey industry existed in the Holy Land at the time of the Bible.

Beekeeping was widely practiced in the ancient world, where honey used for medicinal and religious purposes as well as for food, and beeswax was used to make molds for metal and to create surfaces to write on. While bees and beekeeping are depicted in ancient artwork, nothing similar to the Rehov hives has ever been found before, Mazar said.

The beehives, made of straw and unbaked clay, have a hole at one end to allow the bees in and out and a lid on the other end to allow beekeepers access to the honeycombs inside. They were found in orderly rows, three high, in a room that could have accommodated around 100 hives, Mazar said.

The Bible repeatedly refers to Israel as a "land of milk and honey," but that's believed to refer to honey made from dates and figs — there is no mention of honeybee cultivation. But the new find shows that the Holy Land was home to a highly developed beekeeping industry nearly 3,000 years ago. ...

Read entire article

As Heard on a Lake Michigan Beach

2007-09-03T17:06:00.000-05:00

Girl 1: "I want like a really gay, gay friend."

Girl 2: 'Oh, yeah. Totally. Me too.'

Thompson Campaign

2007-08-31T07:48:00.000-05:00

Is it me, or is the Fred Thompson presidential campaign a bit like a Windows operating system release?

Coming Soon!

...delayed.

Coming Soon!

...delayed.

Really, its coming out soon!

Just wait...

The Raffi Playlists Only Rule

2007-08-30T23:17:00.000-05:00

Fond du Lac Reporter has an article about the influence of music lyrics on kids and how one middle school is handling CD players and iPods.

According to the article:

...students must follow rules when they bring their iPods or CD players on campus this fall. Students may bring their players but must not listen to explicit music.

A $250 iPod will put 7,500 songs in your pocket. Yeah, this policy is going to work...

Stop right there, Billy! Show me your iPod. Don't you dare hit shuffle!

Continued White Sox Analysis from the Oz

2007-08-30T13:13:00.000-05:00

Chicago Tribune:

"Well, they're killing me," Guillen said. "They're killing my family. They're killing my coaching staff, killing the White Sox fans. They kill the owner. They kill everyone. I hope they feel the same way we feel."

...

"You don't see this today," Guillen said. "You've seen this since April. I keep giving people a chance to succeed, a pat on the back. I wish I played for a manager like that. I swear to God I wish I could have played for a (expletive) manager like that. Every time you fail and keep putting guys out there who fail day in and day out, that's easy to play.

"A $100 million payroll and those guys don't show how much they make in the field. Well, Kenny [Williams], I don't say what he has to do, but we play like this and spend all that money on the club like that, I will shut the payroll and go with Double-A kids if we have to, because it's not easy. I know those guys go out there and they care about it."

...

"I hope somebody out there cares the way we care," he said. "Good guys or nice guys finish (expletive) last. I'm tired of seeing that (expletive), day in and day out. And I don't want to spend a miserable September seeing the same (expletive). If I have to see the same (expletive), I told Kenny, 'Bring somebody up. (Expletive) it.'"

Garland on Trading Block, Floyd's Future Uncertain?

2007-08-29T22:05:00.000-05:00

The Chicago Sun-Times is looking into the future and speculating that more changes in the White Sox pitching staff might be in the cards:

Mark Buehrle and Javier Vazquez seem to be bookends heading into 2008, while Jose Contreras and his two-year, $20 million contract seem to be the book no one wants -- nor can lift. Jon Garland has set the stage to be moved in the offseason, while rookie John Danks has the inside track to being the No. 5 starter.

But if Garland is moved, that leaves a hole. The hope was that Floyd would have shown enough to allow the Sox to trade Garland and not blink. Now they are hoping that youngsters such as Gio Gonzalez and Jack Egbert continue their fast tracks and no longer are counting on Floyd.

Garland, if you're wondering, is 8-10 with a 4.90 ERA this season and 90-78 with a 4.49 ERA.

White Sox Season Recap

2007-08-29T21:42:00.000-05:00

Chicago Sun-Times:

''I finally have to admit it -- we're horse [expletive],'' Guillen said. ''I thought we were just playing bad, but, no, we're horse [expletive].''

The Hot Stove Tracker is Back

2007-08-23T22:16:00.001-05:00

It is not going to surprise anyone when I say that the White Sox have been miserable this season.

So what to do? Start thinking about next year, of course.

The Chicago White Sox Hot Stove Tracker hereby is back. Time to get great for '08.

Today's entry: Torii Hunter (I'm guessing this one will keep popping up throughout the winter)

Chicago Tribune, 8/23/07:

Guillen acknowledged the price and dearth of effective leadoff batters means it's possible Jerry Owens will bat first again next spring. Owens has played better than Guillen expected in center field. Owens could shift over to left if the Sox land a marquee free-agent center fielder such as Minnesota's Torii Hunter.

Letterman's Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: Rumsfeld Resignation

2007-08-22T00:35:00.000-05:00

Opening Tomorrow!

2007-08-16T22:03:00.000-05:00

Signature Psychology

2007-08-16T21:51:00.000-05:00

There's a great piece on Information Week entitled, "What Does Your E-mail Signature Say About You?" It is so accurate its creepy:

Important people don't bother with e-mail sigs.

Your e-mail signature reflects how powerful you are. If you were profiled on 60 Minutes, you don't need no steenkin' e-mail signature.

The primary purpose of an e-mail sig is to let people know who you are and how to contact you. If you're really, really important, your e-mail recipients had better already know that.

If you're a billionaire, you write your e-mail entirely in lower-case and sign it with the one-syllable nickname you had in prep school:

get on this right away. biff

The longer your e-mail signature, the lower down the food chain you are.

Some people put a whole novel in their sig:

Their full name, including "Jr." or "Sr."

Job title, which generally includes both the words "deputy" and assistant.

Street-mail address with mail stop.

Business phone number, with different versions for people dialing from the internal corporate PBX vs. people dialing from outside.

E-mail address. 'Cuz it's not like it's in the "From:" line of every e-mail or anything.

And finish it off with an inspirational quote from Battlestar Galactica.

If that's a description of your signature, then you're a flunky. Time for a Starbucks run, Commander Starbuck.

The billionaire/powerful CEO name only or initials only signature is so true. Perhaps I'll start signing initials only...

You Lost Me At Daddy Day Care

2007-08-14T21:33:00.000-05:00

Does the TV commercial for Daddy Day Camp really begin with the words, "From the studio that brought you Daddy Day Care..."?

Really?!? Really? Is that a selling point?

A Daddy Day Care sequel, huh? Um...nope, I'm out.

Kinda like I was for Daddy Day Care...

Letterman's "George W. Bush: Fakin' It"

2007-08-13T23:52:00.000-05:00

I Am McLovin

2007-08-03T00:57:00.001-05:00

As Heard at Miller Park

2007-07-23T22:30:00.001-05:00

"Go back to Chicago!"

-- Man, presumably a Brewers fan, wearing a hat reading "CHICAGO IL" shouting at an obnoxious Cubs fan.

As Heard at Miller Park

2007-07-23T22:26:00.000-05:00

"Mom! Sober up long enough so you can enjoy the game!"

-- Teenage daughter to her mother, as mom lead them up, then down, then almost back up and finally down the staircase leading to the wrong section for their seats.

I really hope she was giving mom a hard time, otherwise this is a sad, sad statement.

Singers Out

2007-07-17T19:31:00.000-05:00

This opinion is not 100% formed, but I'm pretty sure that singers shouldn't be allowed on America's Got Talent because we already have American Idol.

How can you judge between a magician and a singer as to who is better? Or a singer and a fire breather, etc.?

I suppose this could go for any talent vs. different talent matchup, but without the singers we'd at least be left with the wacky, original and oddball performances.

Oh...but you get an exemption on the whole singing thing if you have a mullet.

You're Revived

2007-07-16T23:48:00.000-05:00

Trump was fired from NBC's fall lineup and now he's re-hired. Something tells me this is gonna be hu-uuge.

AP:

Apprentice' to return with celebrities

By LYNN ELBER, AP Television Writer

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - Check your publicist at the boardroom door — NBC is inviting celebrities to try to wow Donald Trump in the next version of "The Apprentice." And while it would make for a marquee matchup, don't expect Rosie O'Donnell to be among them.

"It will never happen in this lifetime or beyond," said Cindi Berger, O'Donnell's spokeswoman.

The network announced Monday that the game show will be back in the middle of next season with the celebrity twist, the winner donating proceeds to charity instead of going to work for The Donald.

Huh?!? So the show that is supposedly the ultimate job interview doesn't end with someone getting a job?

I guess this just means one thing, Trump doesn't want to give K-Fed a job either.

More Popular Than Ever

2007-07-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

According to Site Meter, Spaulding averages one visitor per day! Thanks to everyone who has helped make this possible. Rest assured, we will continue upgrading Spaulding to better serve the 0.0000000000161290323 percent of the global population who depend upon this site for their news, entertainment and sports needs.

Breaking News

2007-07-16T22:41:00.000-05:00

Los Angeles Times:

IHOP buying Applebee's for $2.1 billion
By Daniel Yi
Times Staff Writer

Pancake chain IHOP Corp. will aggressively franchise Applebee's restaurants under a $2.1-billion acquisition plan announced today.

Glendale-based IHOP, which offered $25.50 per share in cash for the Overland Park, Kan., restaurant chain, said its main strategy would be to franchise the majority of the 508 restaurants currently owned by Applebee's International Inc.

Applebee's franchises about three-quarters of its 2,000 restaurants. In contrast, 99% of IHOP's 1,319 eateries are operated by franchisees. IHOP believes the strategy will save money and help boost Applebee's laggard financial performance.

Finally! Riblets for breakfast!

Two of the Good Guys: Buehrle and Nocioni

2007-07-11T23:39:00.001-05:00

From Rick Morrissey and ChicagoSports.com:

...Something happened this past weekend that doesn't happen often in the world of professional sports. Two athletes in the same town looked around, decided their lives weren't going to be enhanced by more money and chose to stay put.

Presumably independent of one another, the White Sox's Mark Buehrle and the Bulls' Andres Nocioni came to the conclusion that a fellow could live quite comfortably on a huge, multimillion-dollar contract if he were frugal and kept his Maserati collection down to a workable number of, say, 10.

But when Buehrle accepted the above contract and when Nocioni agreed to a five-year, $37.5 million contract with the Bulls, it at least meant that sanity had established a tiny beachhead, that heart mattered and that happiness levels don't necessarily increase as salary numbers spin upward.

Players who view themselves as part of and are willing to sacrifice for the team. Geez, inbetween the quacking duck player of the game, the MVP awards, Gold Gloves, All-Star teams and other awards that honor the individual over the team, you would think that there might be an award recognizing these (albeit incrediably rare) types of players. Oh yeah, that's right there is...fan respect. That, and championships. Buehrle got his (with more to come); Noce, it's your turn.

Let the Boredom Resume

2007-07-11T22:49:00.000-05:00

Well, the New York Times moved its offices, so Spaulding decided to do the same. One move, a new Internet service provider, a bunch of procrastination and -- bam -- Spaulding is back. Apologies to anyone who missed this blog during its hiatus. Here's hoping our one reader hasn't found anything better to do yet.

It Starts Off Normal. And Then...

2007-06-07T23:13:00.000-05:00

Any manager can get tossed out of a game. This manager reminds us that you should at least make it worthwhile.

TSSCBOT: Money

2007-05-22T22:36:00.000-05:00

TSSCBOT: Food

2007-05-22T22:35:00.000-05:00

TSSCBOT: Cell Phone

2007-05-22T22:33:00.000-05:00

Letterman's Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: The Ol' Microphone Cord Trick

2007-05-17T23:57:00.000-05:00

Grey's Anatomy

2007-05-16T22:18:00.000-05:00

Grey's Anatomy lost me when we had to sit through a two night season finale last year to watch all of the young doctors participate in (ultimately) helping to kill a guy under the premise of moving him up the heart transplant list. When those doctors were not reprimanded, stripped of their medical licenses and thrown in jail at the start of the next season I wrote it off and have not watched an episode since.

Since then I've been telling everyone how much Grey's Anatomy sucks. I just had no idea how much of a feminist I am.

New York Times:

The New Modern Woman, Ambitious and Feeble

By ALESSANDRA STANLEY
Published: May 5, 2007

It’s time to play the blame game.

Everything wrong with “Grey’s Anatomy” and its soon-to-be spun spinoff is the fault of “Ally McBeal.”

Mary Tyler Moore and Marlo Thomas were early prototypes of the quirky but lovable career girl. David E. Kelley’s hit series about a deeply neurotic lawyer named Ally McBeal marked a turning point in the devolution of women’s roles in television comedy — the moment when competent-but-flaky hardened into basket case.

...The HBO series “Sex and the City” made light of female insecurity and let its flighty heroines come out ahead. Here even the most successful women are left behind in life.

It wouldn’t matter, since the show is admittedly over-the-top escapist fantasy for women, except that it is troubling that even in escapist fantasies, today’s heroines have to be weak, needy and oversexed to be liked by women and desired by men.

...Shonda Rhimes, who created “Grey’s Anatomy,” also came up with the spinoff. Somehow, even in the hands of a woman, a show about female doctors finds humor and solace in their distress. Self-deprecation has been replaced with self-denigration.

People complain that hip-hop stars use obscene lyrics and lewd music videos to demean women. Sometimes, so do even the most bourgeois women’s television shows.

And This Is How You Would Choose to Present America to the World?

2007-05-16T00:11:00.000-05:00

The Republican presidential candidates held another debate Tuesday night. All of the "top tier" candidates and the "soon-to-be also rans" were there.

The guy who many Americans don't know what he's really about but who enjoys headliner status on the GOP side due to his fundraising prowess is former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney.

And what did we learn about Romney from the debate? Well, if you are worried about America's increasingly diminished respect on the global stage resulting from repeated policy and moral failures, then Romney isn't your guy.

Why's that? -- here's the New York Times' coverage of the debate:

The scenario presented to the 10 Republican presidential candidates was chilling: Three American shopping malls had been bombed, producing scores of casualties. Terrorists with detailed knowledge of another imminent and deadlier attack had been captured and taken to Guantánamo Bay, Cuba.

The question: How far can the authorities go in interrogating the terrorists to get information to avert a fourth attack?

...Former Gov. Mitt Romney of Massachusetts said he would support “not torture but enhanced interrogation techniques." And taking a tougher line than President Bush and Mr. McCain, who have said they would like to shut down the detention center at Guantánamo Bay, Mr. Romney said he wanted the facility doubled in size.

...As they went through the doomsday terrorist scenario presented by the moderators, the candidates did not offer precise definitions of what they considered terrorism, though their nuanced responses suggested differences about how far they thought it was appropriate for interrogators to go to avert a terrorist attack.

Enhanced interrogation techniques, which Mr. Romney said he would support, refer to methods outside those allowed by the Army’s code of justice or the Geneva Conventions. The most publicly discussed technique that has reportedly been used on terrorism suspects involves what is known as water-boarding, where a prisoner is strapped down, head beneath his feet, as water is poured repeatedly on a cloth covering the mouth until the person thinks he is about to drown.

Voters will have to decide what type of America and what image of America they want in the world.

For Romney, he's probably fortunate that 99% of the country didn't even know there was a GOP debate Tuesday night.

This News Is LEGEN-wait for it-DARY!

2007-05-15T23:20:00.000-05:00

After watching this week's How I Met Your Mother -- which will hereby be referred in this posting as the Best Sitcom Currently On Television (BSCOT) -- I was certain the show was cancelled.

The episode had all the little endings, references to the pilot, and storyline conclusions one would expect if the writers of the BSCOT were told that there would be no next year and were forced to prematurely bring conclusion to the show. (A faithful reader of this blog had even heard a report on E! that the BSCOT was on the bubble).

And just as it appeared that primetime television was going to losing its most consistent source of laser tag references, Variety (well, more accurately CBS) saves the day:

Eye skeins getting better news this week include "How I Met Your Mother," which has been picked up for a third season. Eye's most buzzworthy laffer might seem to be a no-brainer for renewal, but CBS execs make producers sweat it out until the last minute.

Thank you! (It just wouldn't have been fair if we didn't get to meet the mother).

Season three -- suit up!

According to This Guy, Wii Are Out of Luck

2007-05-15T23:03:00.000-05:00

Nintendo's Wii is, as Mugatu might say, "so hot right now." The white video game console the size of a hardcover book has been harder to find than Waldo since it launched and things haven't gotten better post-holiday shopping.

But, hey, the holidays have been over for months. The Wii supply should be meeting demand in no time, right?

What do you think industry analyst #1?

Punchjump:

"I believe the Wii will continue strong growth although supply continues to be a problem," said Billy Pidgeon, video game analyst, IDC. "I’d like to see Wii hardware shipping in larger quantities or mass market consumers may cool on it. Having said that, I don’t believe supply will meet demand for the Wii until 2009."

2009?!?

Guess that is just in time to get your Wii before a Wii 2 is launched.

Letterman's Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: It's uh...

2007-05-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

Wii Are Still Waiting

2007-05-13T20:45:00.000-05:00

This "report"from Play.tm:

Reports filtering in from across the information motorway reveal that Wii stocks are on the up in the UK, with large shipments flooding into starved retailers in the last week or so. News in suggests that the arrival of fresh supplies has already seen Wii sales soar in the charts.

..."Nintendo chose to release quite a large supply of Wii stock last week, meaning that those eager to get their hands on the innovative new system would finally get their wish, thus impacting greatly on the UK charts," read a statement from Chart-Track, compilers of the official UK charts.

Ahem! Middle of the U.S.A. still waiting here...

World Series of Uno

2007-05-11T00:04:00.001-05:00

Hard to believe this isn't airing on NBC...

Be Happy, Be Creative

2007-05-09T21:10:00.000-05:00

Technology Review:

In multiple studies, [Alice] Isen, a professor of psychology and S. C. Johnson Professor of Marketing at Cornell University, made subjects feel happy through a number of means, including gifts of candy and words or pictures with pleasant associations. The subjects were then asked to perform tasks that measure creativity; over the course of 20 years, Isen and her colleagues regularly found that subjects exhibited much more creativity when they were in a good mood.

Interesting. Maybe fuddy-duddy workplaces should see how a little bit of happiness (and humor) could increase productivity. Perhaps David Brent was right...

How'd These Windows Get in My "Mac"world?

2007-05-09T20:55:00.000-05:00

Is it me or is it a bit odd that Macworld UK is using text adds that appear to be powered by Windows Live technology?

What am I talking about? See the green, underlined text on this page.

Future of "The View"

2007-05-05T14:23:00.001-05:00

Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

2007-05-03T22:52:00.000-05:00

I think this video does a pretty good job of illustrating just how awesome pirate Lego is.

Pirate Lego

2007-05-03T22:38:00.000-05:00

Looking back at my favorite toys from my childhood, two stand out as especially great: Star Wars action figures and pirate Lego.

Star Wars is, of course, alive and well and the toys are cooler than ever. Pirate Lego on the other hand has been dealt a tough blow. To the best of my knowledge the pirates aren't in production anymore. Why? I have no idea. With all the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean, one would think that a pirate based building set revival would be a no brainer.

Since the pirates sailed away I haven't been able to get excited about a Lego set. Hey Lego, bring back the pirates!

Syn-er...gee, forget it!

2007-05-03T22:23:00.000-05:00

OK, so you're Google and you bought YouTube for a billion-plus-infinity dollars. You're probably putting all of your energy and resources into making that the greatest video site on the face of the planet, right? Right...? So what is the deal with Google Video?

What the...?

2007-05-03T22:09:00.000-05:00

Not sure how this works, but I'm pretty sure if we give this guy big enough cups he can solve gasoline shortages worldwide.

1,000 Visitors

2007-05-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

Spaulding just made the 1,000 mark on the hit counter. I'd like to thank all four of my readers for their regular visits.

Mr. 1,000 appears to have been none other than Swede in America himself. Nice.

At the for reader mark, all I need each of you to do is visit five times a day for the next 50 days and Spaulding will reach 2,000.

Sausage TV

2007-05-01T23:22:00.000-05:00

Wii Still Want to Play

2007-04-28T00:41:00.000-05:00

AP:

Nintendo Plans to Boost Wii Production

Friday April 27, 6:22 am ET
By Yuri Kageyama, AP Business Writer

Nintendo President Promises to Boost Wii Production, Increase Deliveries to Meet Shortage

TOKYO (AP) -- Nintendo's president acknowledged Friday that the shortage of the hit Wii game machine was "abnormal," and promised production was being boosted to increase deliveries by next month.

"We must do our best to fix this abnormal lack of stock," Nintendo President Satoru Iwata told reporters. "We have not been able to properly foresee demand."

The comments came a day after the Japanese manufacturer of the Wii -- which comes with a wand that can be used as a sword, tennis racket or fishing rod depending on the game -- reported that sales nearly doubled for the fiscal year, lifted by robust sales of the Wii and the DS portable, a handheld video game.

...The Wii has pummeled its rivals in a head-to-head battle in next-generation video game consoles involving Sony Corp.'s PlayStation 3, which has been plagued with production problems, and Microsoft Corp.'s Xbox 360.

Iwata refused to disclose the monthly production capacity for the Wii, and said it was too early to say by how much the production was being raised.

But he said efforts were under way to increase production, and more machines will get delivered to stores around the world.

"We will do our best to offer the machine for those who are waiting," he said at a Tokyo hall.

Well it's about bloody time!!!

This Wii wait has been ridiculous. Nobody should have to stand in line at a Toys R Us parking lot at 4 a.m. with a bunch of guys who sustain themselves by selling Wiis on eBay simply for the privilege of getting to play Wii Sports. I should be able to walk into my local Target, hand over $250, and go home happy.

I'm giving Nintendo until the U.S. Open to get enough Wiis to the market to ensure that I'm playing Tiger Woods golf when the pros are playing at Oakmont.

Letterman's Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: Decisions

2007-04-28T00:28:00.000-05:00

Exhibit A: Pitching Wins in Baseball

2007-04-28T00:14:00.000-05:00

New York Yankees starting lineup:

Damon, CF
Jeter, SS
Abreu, RF
Rodriguez, 3B
Giambi, DH
Matsui, LF
Posada, C
Cano, 2B
Mientkiewicz, 1B

The result? Team is on a seven game losing streak. The Yankees have used 9 different starting pitchers in their first 21 games.

Letterman's Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: Jorge

2007-04-26T23:53:00.000-05:00

YEEESSS!!!

2007-04-18T23:58:00.000-05:00

Congratulations, Mark Buehrle, on your no-hitter!

Wrestling*

2007-04-18T23:47:00.000-05:00

Sports Illustrated is reporting that pro wrestling might have its own steroid scandal.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

What about the records? The integrity?!? How are we supposed to know how many pre-determined wins various wrestlers would have if they weren't on steroids? How can we know that those oversized belts were earned fair and square?!?

At least there are still body building and strongman competitions to enjoy.

Delayed Response

2007-04-18T23:26:00.000-05:00

Chicago Sun-Times:

Urlacher fined $100,000 for Super Bowl hat

Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher was fined $100,000 by the NFL for wearing a cap during Super Bowl media day that promoted a sponsor not authorized by the league.

NFL rules prohibit gear that advertises any product but a designated sponsor, league spokesman Brian McCarthy said Wednesday.

Urlacher was fined for drinking vitaminwater and wearing a vitaminwater hat during the media session in Miami leading to the title game. Gatorade is the NFL's official drink.

Um...wasn't the Super Bowl in early February? This vitaminwater revelation must have come from a "Super Bowl - The Lost Episode" tape.

Oh well, gotta give the NFL Network something to talk about in April...

A Message from Sofa King

2007-04-16T23:51:00.000-05:00

Peyton Manning for the United Way

2007-04-16T23:48:00.000-05:00

100th Zune

2007-04-12T18:29:00.000-05:00

A little computer geek humor. You gotta love it:

Just days after Apple’s announcement that it had sold 100 million iPods, Microsoft’s Zune celebrated a milestone of its own.

According to a press release issued by the company today, its 100th Zune was sold to 13-year-old Dieter Ebersbacher in Shreveport, Illinois, and is a sign of its success in the marketplace.

“The sale of the 100th Zune is a sign that it has captured a secure foothold in the market and it totally doesn’t suck,” said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.

Asked to explain the discrepancy between this and its previously announced sales figures, Ballmer said “Well, when you take out the units we’ve just stuffed into the channel and then you take out the units that have gone to reviewers… and the units we’ve just outright given away… you’re left with… uh… a hundred.

The full fake story is available here.

NL West

2007-04-02T23:20:00.000-05:00

The teams:
Arizona Diamondbacks
Colorado Rockies
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Diego Padres
San Francisco Giants

The outlook: This division was horrible last year. For awhile the Padres were hovering at .500 and in the lead. Lame.

As for this year, look for the reconfigured Dodgers to make strides and separate themselves from the competition. The Dodgers are -- as a reader pointed out -- filled with old Cubs, and we all know that as soon as the Cubs get rid of somebody that player takes off. (Which gets me thinking, Mark Prior make a great Devil Ray).

Spaulding prognostication:
NL West champion -- Los Angeles Dodgers

P.S. Arizona, the Astros just called and they want their color scheme back.

NL Central

2007-04-02T22:36:00.000-05:00

The teams:
Chicago Cubs
Cincinnati Reds
Houston Astros
Milwaukee Brewers
Pittsburgh Pirates
St. Louis Cardinals

The outlook: Ugh, the defending World Series champion only won 83 games last year?!? C'mon! 83 would have been good enough for fourth in the AL East, fourth in the AL Central, third in the AL West, third in the NL East, and third in the NL West. No one is happier with the six division system than the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals.

So what does that mean for 2007? Mediocrity or better puts you right in the hunt, and that's good news for everyone else in the division -- mainly the Cubs, Astros and Brewers. (Sorry, Reds and Pirates).

The Cubs threw money around like a yuppie bleacher bum trying to impress his waitress at Hooters, but all the money in the world can't fix Mark Prior or Kerry Wood -- both are starting the season on the disabled list.

Meanwhile the Astros lost Andy Pettitte to the Yankees and Roger Clemens to his now yearly diva ritual where he is too cool for the first half of the season. Get over yourself, Roger. Either you want to play or not. It's baseball -- that's 162 games, of which you'd only be asked to play every fifth day. Most of us work five days a week or more in a row on two or fewer days of rest. And you don't even have to wash your own jock. Come over to my house and we'll do laundry after I've put in a day at the office. Then you'll see how easy it is to sit around for four hours spitting sunflower seeds in between starts.

The Brewers have a lot of nice pieces that if they fit together could make for a winning combo.

Spaulding prognostication:
The Brewers will have the Chorizo for the entire season. Look for that to add some spice to the ballpark and push the Brew Crew into the postseason.

NL Central champion -- Milwaukee Brewers

NL East

2007-04-02T22:23:00.000-05:00

So who cares if Opening Day is already in the books? On with the predictions...

NL East

The teams:
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Washington Nationals

The outlook: Wondering why you can't find any duct tape at your local hardware store? That's because the 2006 New York Mets used every last inch of the stuff to hold together their pitching rotation. Look for the we-can't-beat-an-83-win-team-in-the-NLCS Mets to take a step back this year.

Jimmy Rollins says the Phillies are going to win the NL East this year. Why not?

Spaulding prognostication:
NL East champions -- Philadelphia Phillies
NL Wild Card -- New York Mets

AL West

2007-04-02T00:02:00.000-05:00

Round three of predictions-that-probably-won't-turn-out-accurate.

AL WEST

The teams:
Los Angeles Angels
Oakland A's
Seattle Mariners
Texas Rangers

The outlook:
Where does one begin? The AL West in recent memory was a good division. Now it is...well, not something I'll be staying up to watch unless my team is on a road trip.

The A's are without Barry Zito, the Mariners were a mess last year, the Angels can't decide what city they play in, and the Rangers play in a place where it is too damn hot to play anything but night games unless you're testing a new formula of high endurance Gatorade.

Look for a St. Louis Cardinals-esque just-a-little-above-500 record to take this division.

Spaulding prognostication:
AL West champion -- Texas Rangers

Up next: NL East

AL Central

2007-04-01T23:58:00.000-05:00

The second installment of my utterly un-researched predictions for the 2007 baseball season.

AL CENTRAL

The teams:
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Detroit Tigers
Kansas City Royals
Minnesota Twins

The outlook: The AL Central is the best division in baseball -- period -- and this year's competition is going to be intense.

The please-don't-bunt-it-to-the-pitcher Tigers return basically the same lineup as the team that got them to the World Series last year, with the notable addition of Gary Sheffield. The loss of Sheffield is huge for the Yankees, as they will now have to find a different outfielder for Old-Timers' Day. Postseason innings can take quite the toll on a pitching staff (see Kenny Rogers), and it is a valid question as to whether the Tiger pitching staff will be able to hold up over another 162 game season and carry the tabbies deep into October. The Tigers will have a better first than second half -- look for them to get a slight lead, but fade down the stretch (your 2006 AL Central Champion Minnesota Twins anyone?).

The White Sox should be Detroit's main competition, and they could be a very capable or superior opponent. The 2007 White Sox team has a lot of ifs -- if Mark Buehrle can return to form, if Javier Vazquez can live up to his potential, if Scott Podsednik v.2005 not v.2006 shows up, and if John Danks can be a capable fifth starter. If all those ifs fall into place this White Sox team will be a handful. (Too many ifs? Remember 2005? If Orlando Hernandez can still pitch -- if Jon Garland can live up to his potential -- if this Tadahito Iguchi guy can play second base -- if Shingo Takatsu can remain a dominant closer without prototypical stuff -- and later, if this tall, wide guy named Jenks can take over the closer's duties).

Look for the White Sox and Tigers to slug it out all year, being pushed by the Cleveland Indians, and, to a lesser extent due to the loss of Liriano (injury) and Radke (retirement), Minnesota.

Spaulding prognostication:
AL Central champion -- Detroit Tigers
AL Central Wild Card -- Chicago White Sox

Tigers limp to a divisional crown, but don't get to live October to its fullest.

Up next: AL West

"The Oval Office"

2007-04-01T12:59:00.000-05:00

Mad Money

2007-03-26T22:46:00.000-05:00

I know nothing about stocks, but I love CNBC's Mad Money. This is the best one man show on television.

Buy! Buy! Buy! Sell! Sell! Sell!

Love it.

If you're not watching Mad Money, you should be.

AL East

2007-03-22T20:11:00.000-05:00

Here it is, your first installment in Spaulding's predictions for the 2007 baseball season. Very little (if any) actual "research" has gone into these predictions -- instead they are gut-level guesses which will almost certainly make this author look like an idiot (probably before the All-Star break). Presented for your entertainment purposes only, are a few (probably misguided) picks.

AL EAST

The teams:
Baltimore Orioles
Boston Red Sox
New York Yankees
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Toronto Blue Jays

The outlook: The AL East is where the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox fight their yearly war of attrition. The East is also the only division the national media pay any attention to -- assuming you're a Red Sox or Yankee. If not, you're practically in the witness protection program. Roy Halladay anyone?

For 2007, expect more of the same. The Red Sox and Yankees buy all the good names, and that's good enough to get you to the post season (but not necessarily win it -- see: A-Rod, Randy Johnson, Jason Giambi)

Spaulding prognostication:
AL East Champion -- New York Yankees

Note: Don't be surprised if the Red Sox get the AL Wild Card, but with so many good teams in the AL Central, Spaulding has to give the pre-season Wild Card prediction to that division.

Up next: The AL Central

A.I.

2007-03-21T19:12:00.000-05:00

29.4 million people watched last night's episode of American Idol.

Unless my math is incorrect, I believe this statistic verifies what I've always suspected -- I am the only American not watching this show.

14 Days

2007-03-19T17:47:00.000-05:00

Two weeks until opening day of the 2007 baseball season. Check back soon for Spaulding's predictions for the division and wild card winners.

Anybody Wanna Play Defense? Anybody?

2007-03-18T13:29:00.000-05:00

Watching the NCAA Tournament it is unbelievable how time and time again the the teams allow their opponents to dribble down the floor and hit a big shot to tie the game or close the gap. (Worse yet, it is amazing how many of those game tying plays have come on layups).

Defense, kids. It is the other half of the game.

Seems like the only reason many of these "great games" have been interesting is because the teams don't know how to close it out.

People like to rip on the NBA for what they perceive to be a lack of defense, but watch those games in the final minutes and tell me how many easy buckets you see.

I guess we'll see if the Sweet 16 can identify any kids who know how to do more than play matador defense when it really matters.

Yep, Looks Like a Roof

2007-03-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

Aerial coverage of indoor events is lame. Unless you're playing somewhere like New York or Chicago it all looks the same.

Xavier vs. OSU

2007-03-17T14:43:00.000-05:00

You just knew that once Ohio State got it to overtime they weren't even going to allow Xavier to have a chance. How deflating.

When Divas Attack

2007-03-17T12:55:00.000-05:00

I had the displeasure of catching an episode of MTV's My Super Sweet 16 today.

For the uninitiated, the series follows around a bunch of spoiled 16 year-olds as they plan their ultimate sweet sixteen birthday party. And no, they don't just rent out the local pool. These are red carpet-style affairs where the parents drop more money on a party for a bunch of hormonally frustrated teenagers than most of us will make in our entire lives. It is absolutely disgusting display of excess and bad parenting. If you want your daughter to grow up to be despicable, I recommend you start TiVo-ing this show.

Hey, MTV, here's an idea -- why don't you rename this show to what it should be: So I'm Raising a Spoiled B^%$#.

Bo Doesn't Know

2007-03-15T21:15:00.000-05:00

The big news in Badgerland today is that injured McDonald's All-American Brian Butch practiced with the team. Best part of all of this? Coach Bo Ryan really doesn't know much about it.

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel NewsWatch blog:

The 6-foot-11 junior has been sidelined since he suffered a dislocated right elbow and associated fracture against Ohio State on Feb. 25. He still is not cleared to play, Badgers coach Bo Ryan said. Wednesday Ryan said Butch "was on the floor going up and down with the guys."

Did he shoot the ball? "I wouldn't go that far," Ryan said at the team's hotel. "I don't know how many times he shot the ball."

Fans will be able to judge for themselves this afternoon. The Badgers have a public practice from 2:15 p.m.-2:55 p.m. at the United Center and Ryan said Butch will participate.

Butch was given a timetable of 4 to 6 weeks for recovery. It has been 2 weeks since the injury and Ryan gave no indication of whether Butch's recovery is going quicker than expected.

"I have no idea of the time schedule that way," he said.

Butch was not available for comment.

Guy with a busted arm who could help your team in the tournament? -- yeah, you wouldn't keep track of his ability to shoot or handle the basketball.

Anybody else think Bo has been watching a lot of Hogan's Heroes on DVD lately? "I see nothing..."

The Dukies!

2007-03-15T21:08:00.000-05:00

There will be a lot of explanations for why Duke didn't win, but let me break it down to something basic: they lost because they didn't stay true to who they are.

Duke's true colors are blue and white, yet the uniforms they wore in their losing effort had black in the piping and lettering. The use of black with Duke is forced and it looks awful.

Unnatural addition of black to your uniforms = suckiness. See, New York Knicks.