15 Minutes of Fame
Supposedly everyone will get 15 minutes of fame. But who really believes that? Let's face it, most people -- if they get any "fame" at all -- will get far, far less than 15 minutes of it.
To quantify this, the research department at Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat! conducted a highly unscientific survey to determine what people do with their 15 minutes (or less) of TV fame.
Here's a look at the results:
3 percent: Streaking
Once a more popular choice for TV fame than today (due to the fact that most sports broadcasts no longer show crazy fans running onto the field), streaking is still the favored attempt at fame for a small, but dedicated percentage of the population.
Estimated actual time of fame: 20-30 seconds depending on the speed of the security guards on duty; roughly a semester around the frat house
15 percent: Hand concealing the face
Made famous by individuals appearing on Cops, raising one hand to ruin the TV camera's shot and possibly retain one's anonymity while being escorted into a police vehicle is a common use of TV fame.
Estimated actual time of fame: four to five seconds; actual time may increase depending on how many local TV newscasts use the footage.
22 percent: American Idol
A dedicated contingent of Americans regularly line up for the chance to showcase their lack of singing skills on FOX's American Idol, and maybe, just maybe, garner a Simon Cowell insult so merciless that it becomes the stuff of family lore for three to four generations. This newer method to gain one's 15 minutes is increasing in popularity.
Estimated actual time of fame: 20-45 seconds; longer if the clip makes it to YouTube.
60 percent: Sports fans
Despite the increase in all of the above methods of securing TV fame, none have come close to the "sports fan" method.
Originating with the inception of television, the sports fan method for 15 minutes of fame can most commonly be identified by the individual shouting, "WHOOOOOO!!! WHOOOOO!!! NUMBER ONE, BABY!!! WHOOOOOO!!!" This exclamation is utilized no matter how much the fan's team is losing by and irregardless of whether the fan's proclamation of first place status is accurate or not. An adaptation on this method is used at golf tournaments, when the sports fan shouts, "IT'S IN THE HOLE!!!" at the moment the club head makes contact with the ball. This method is most expertly used during the tee shot on par fives.
Estimated actual time of fame: two to five seconds; screen time is most commonly determined by how quickly the broadcast goes to commercial or goes back to showing sports instead of drunken blowhards.
Researcher's note: Though there are other methods of achieving fame, all others examined for this report were determined to be statistically insignificant.
