More How I Met Your Mother Awesomeness: Greatest Pickup Line of All Time

Barney's Top 10

If you watch TV and you don't watch How I Met Your Mother, what is wrong with you?

How great is this show?!? Did you see the one where Barney turned a moving truck into a bachelor pad?

Guillen Contract

If you're looking to purchase a White Sox jersey this offseason, your only safe bet up until tonight was Bobby Jenks (after all, it is not certain that any of this year's White Sox team will be back). Now, it appears you can add Guillen to the "safe" list, as he has received a contract extension though 2012.

AP:

"The problems that we are having right now, I simply do not believe that they are problems that are with our coaching staff or with our manager," general manager Ken Williams said, calling the contract extension an easy decision.

"I already said previously that I put all that weight on my shoulders. I'm the one that has to put them in a better position to win baseball games and that means going out and making the necessary adjustments to get this team where we are better and get guys back up to their normal level of production."

Williams said he wanted the players, Guillen and the fans to know that the White Sox -- who had 99- and 90-win seasons before this year's debacle -- would engage in an offseason plan to ensure there would not be a repeat of this year's record.

..."This is the worst summer I've had in all my career because I was too soft. I was kind of worried about what people were going to say about me," Guillen said. "I could care less what people say about me as long as I win."

Guillen was voted AL Manager of the Year in 2005 but the White Sox slid from contention early this season and were 61-83 entering Tuesday, tied with Florida and Tampa Bay for the poorest record in the major leagues.

...Now Guillen will be a major part of the restructuring and there certainly will be some criticism of his new deal after such a horrible season.

"I respect that because everybody has their own opinion," Guillen said. "I think I should be criticized for the way we played this year. ... Believe me, after this year and last year what I went through, I'm bulletproof. I've been taking a lot of heat. I don't blame people for putting me on the spot because of the way played."

San Francisco 49ers Uniforms

San Francisco is wearing their "alternate" uniforms tonight. If you're wondering what those look like, they look exactly like the classic red, gold and white uniforms that you see every time you see a Joe Montana-Jerry Rice highlight. In other words, its the uniform you would always picture the team in, not some trying-too-hard-to-be-cool look that they've been wearing. The 49ers look great tonight.

The 49ers "regular" uniforms in recent years have used a darker red, more metallic-ish gold pants, and (the marketing-gurus gone wild inclusion of black). In other words, a downgrade -- not an upgrade -- from the classic uniforms.

The 49ers equipment manager would be wise to "lose" the black and crimson stuff. Keep the Montana jerseys!

As Heard at the BMW Championship (Golf Tournament)

"Look at that. These guys all hit it so close [to the hole]! I mean, we'd hit it over there (motioning to a part of the green far away from the hole) and have an orgasm."

Playing to the Lowest Common Denominator

A movie called Shoot 'Em Up is coming to theaters soon. Then, this fall, ABC is bringing us a new TV series called Dirty Sexy Money.

OK, that's it. I can now tell you that shows/films are being approved based solely on how their titles perform and appeal to focus groups.

How do I know?

Well, I just got the green light for 15 episodes of a new TV show I'm developing called Wet Firearms Poker.

This Is Just Cool

3,000-Year-Old Beehives Found in Israel

By MATTI FRIEDMAN

JERUSALEM (AP) — Archaeologists digging in northern Israel have discovered evidence of a 3,000-year-old beekeeping industry, including remnants of ancient honeycombs, beeswax and what they believe are the oldest intact beehives ever found.

The findings in the ruins of the city of Rehov this summer include 30 intact hives dating to around 900 B.C., archaeologist Amihai Mazar of Jerusalem's Hebrew University told The Associated Press. He said it offers unique evidence that an advanced honey industry existed in the Holy Land at the time of the Bible.

Beekeeping was widely practiced in the ancient world, where honey used for medicinal and religious purposes as well as for food, and beeswax was used to make molds for metal and to create surfaces to write on. While bees and beekeeping are depicted in ancient artwork, nothing similar to the Rehov hives has ever been found before, Mazar said.

The beehives, made of straw and unbaked clay, have a hole at one end to allow the bees in and out and a lid on the other end to allow beekeepers access to the honeycombs inside. They were found in orderly rows, three high, in a room that could have accommodated around 100 hives, Mazar said.

The Bible repeatedly refers to Israel as a "land of milk and honey," but that's believed to refer to honey made from dates and figs — there is no mention of honeybee cultivation. But the new find shows that the Holy Land was home to a highly developed beekeeping industry nearly 3,000 years ago. ...

Read entire article

As Heard on a Lake Michigan Beach

Girl 1: "I want like a really gay, gay friend."

Girl 2: 'Oh, yeah. Totally. Me too.'

Thompson Campaign

Is it me, or is the Fred Thompson presidential campaign a bit like a Windows operating system release?

Coming Soon!

...delayed.

Coming Soon!

...delayed.

Really, its coming out soon!

Just wait...

The Raffi Playlists Only Rule

Fond du Lac Reporter has an article about the influence of music lyrics on kids and how one middle school is handling CD players and iPods.

According to the article:

...students must follow rules when they bring their iPods or CD players on campus this fall. Students may bring their players but must not listen to explicit music.

A $250 iPod will put 7,500 songs in your pocket. Yeah, this policy is going to work...

Stop right there, Billy! Show me your iPod. Don't you dare hit shuffle!

Continued White Sox Analysis from the Oz

Chicago Tribune:

"Well, they're killing me," Guillen said. "They're killing my family. They're killing my coaching staff, killing the White Sox fans. They kill the owner. They kill everyone. I hope they feel the same way we feel."

...

"You don't see this today," Guillen said. "You've seen this since April. I keep giving people a chance to succeed, a pat on the back. I wish I played for a manager like that. I swear to God I wish I could have played for a (expletive) manager like that. Every time you fail and keep putting guys out there who fail day in and day out, that's easy to play.

"A $100 million payroll and those guys don't show how much they make in the field. Well, Kenny [Williams], I don't say what he has to do, but we play like this and spend all that money on the club like that, I will shut the payroll and go with Double-A kids if we have to, because it's not easy. I know those guys go out there and they care about it."

...

"I hope somebody out there cares the way we care," he said. "Good guys or nice guys finish (expletive) last. I'm tired of seeing that (expletive), day in and day out. And I don't want to spend a miserable September seeing the same (expletive). If I have to see the same (expletive), I told Kenny, 'Bring somebody up. (Expletive) it.'"

Garland on Trading Block, Floyd's Future Uncertain?

The Chicago Sun-Times is looking into the future and speculating that more changes in the White Sox pitching staff might be in the cards:

Mark Buehrle and Javier Vazquez seem to be bookends heading into 2008, while Jose Contreras and his two-year, $20 million contract seem to be the book no one wants -- nor can lift. Jon Garland has set the stage to be moved in the offseason, while rookie John Danks has the inside track to being the No. 5 starter.

But if Garland is moved, that leaves a hole. The hope was that Floyd would have shown enough to allow the Sox to trade Garland and not blink. Now they are hoping that youngsters such as Gio Gonzalez and Jack Egbert continue their fast tracks and no longer are counting on Floyd.

Garland, if you're wondering, is 8-10 with a 4.90 ERA this season and 90-78 with a 4.49 ERA.

White Sox Season Recap

Chicago Sun-Times:

''I finally have to admit it -- we're horse [expletive],'' Guillen said. ''I thought we were just playing bad, but, no, we're horse [expletive].''

The Hot Stove Tracker is Back

It is not going to surprise anyone when I say that the White Sox have been miserable this season.

So what to do? Start thinking about next year, of course.

The Chicago White Sox Hot Stove Tracker hereby is back. Time to get great for '08.

Today's entry: Torii Hunter (I'm guessing this one will keep popping up throughout the winter)

Chicago Tribune, 8/23/07:

Guillen acknowledged the price and dearth of effective leadoff batters means it's possible Jerry Owens will bat first again next spring. Owens has played better than Guillen expected in center field. Owens could shift over to left if the Sox land a marquee free-agent center fielder such as Minnesota's Torii Hunter.

Letterman's Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: Rumsfeld Resignation

Opening Tomorrow!

Signature Psychology

There's a great piece on Information Week entitled, "What Does Your E-mail Signature Say About You?" It is so accurate its creepy:

Important people don't bother with e-mail sigs.

Your e-mail signature reflects how powerful you are. If you were profiled on 60 Minutes, you don't need no steenkin' e-mail signature.

The primary purpose of an e-mail sig is to let people know who you are and how to contact you. If you're really, really important, your e-mail recipients had better already know that.

If you're a billionaire, you write your e-mail entirely in lower-case and sign it with the one-syllable nickname you had in prep school:

get on this right away. biff

The longer your e-mail signature, the lower down the food chain you are.

Some people put a whole novel in their sig:

Their full name, including "Jr." or "Sr."

Job title, which generally includes both the words "deputy" and assistant.

Street-mail address with mail stop.

Business phone number, with different versions for people dialing from the internal corporate PBX vs. people dialing from outside.

E-mail address. 'Cuz it's not like it's in the "From:" line of every e-mail or anything.

And finish it off with an inspirational quote from Battlestar Galactica.

If that's a description of your signature, then you're a flunky. Time for a Starbucks run, Commander Starbuck.

The billionaire/powerful CEO name only or initials only signature is so true. Perhaps I'll start signing initials only...

You Lost Me At Daddy Day Care

Does the TV commercial for Daddy Day Camp really begin with the words, "From the studio that brought you Daddy Day Care..."?

Really?!? Really? Is that a selling point?

A Daddy Day Care sequel, huh? Um...nope, I'm out.

Kinda like I was for Daddy Day Care...

Letterman's "George W. Bush: Fakin' It"

I Am McLovin