New Found Free Time

The U.S. Census Bureau says commute times to work are down. Good news, huh? Yep.

Guess how much they are down by.

Nope. Lower. Lower... Ah, you'll never guess it.

The average commute is 0.4 minutes shorter than it was in 2000 -- shriveling up from a practically intolerable 25.5 minutes in 2000 to an unbelievably brisk 25.1 minutes in 2005.

So enjoy what amounts to an extra 48 seconds a day. Balance your checkbook. Plan a trip. Write the next great American novel. Heck, with an extra 48 seconds in your day anything is possible.

Myself? I'll be taking that time to use the rear view mirror to make sure I don't have anything in my teeth.

Caption of the Month (August 2006)

I realize the month is not quite over, but I am pleased to announce the winner of the Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat!'s "Spauldy" award for for excellence in photographic captioning in a print or Web-based medium.

Ladies and gentlemen, this award-winning caption was written for a MSNBC article that was posted to the Web on the eve of Tiger Woods winning the PGA Championship. While the judge recognizes that many a fine photo caption was written in August 2006, none so expertly utilized humor and a cross-sport reference as well as this Spauldy winner.

I am pleased to announce that the Spauldy winning best caption is:

Luke Donald, who has never won a major title, enters the final round of the PGA Championship tied with 11-time major champion Tiger Woods. Columnist Dan O'Neill says Donald shouldn't despair. He also probably likes the Cubs to rally and win the NL wild card.

As Seen on the Streets #2

Leaving a mall tonight I passed by an older gentleman who was toting an oxygen tank to assist his breathing. He was standing on the sidewalk with a lady who was smoking a cigarette.

Folks, if you choose to smoke, please don't do so near someone who requires an oxygen tank.

As Seen on the Streets

My driver of the day award goes to the individual with the Harley-Davidson "It's An Attitude" bumper sticker on the back of their Mercury Tracer.

Because when you think attitude, you think Mercury Tracer.

Analyzing the Tiger Effect at Medinah

Tiger Woods played so well today that he could have had the gallery rooting against him and still devoured the course. As it was, however, he had the Chicago crowd cheering for him like he was wearing North Carolina practice shorts underneath his trousers.

From the Washington Post:

"It was a special day out there," Woods said. "I just had one of those magic days on the greens. It's not often you get days like that. . . . I thought I could make everything."

..."When I had a four- or five-shot lead, I was just trying to make pars, that was my mind-set," he said. "Just keep hitting fairways and greens and lag putt it up there."

The three men nearest Tiger fell by the wayside as the now 12-time major winner cruised to victory.

And they fell by the wayside on a course that some pundits are saying is too easy for major championship golf. (Ed Sherman's ChicagoSports.com blog entry has this gem: "Arron Oberholser said Medinah wasn't worthy of a major. And he missed the cut. I'm still trying to figure out that one.")

Earlier I described my experience being in and around the "Tiger effect." I wrote that tour pros couldn't help but feel the Tiger effect if they were playing a group or two ahead of Tiger Woods because Tiger's crowd is completely different than the crowd following even golf's biggest other names. Let's see how the Tiger effect worked out Sunday:

-- Four groups ahead of Tiger --
Phil Mickelson: Shot a 2-over, 74. Fell eight places on the leaderboard into a tie for 16th (-6).
Ian Poulter: Shot a 1-under, 71. Fell one place on the leaderboard into a tie for ninth (-9).

-- Three groups ahead of Tiger --
K.J. Choi: Shot a 1-under, 71. Remained at seventh place (-10).
Chris DiMarco: Shot an even par, 72. Fell four places on the leaderboard into a tie for for 12th (-8).

-- Two groups ahead of Tiger --
Sergio Garcia: Shot a 2-under, 70. Rose two spots on the leaderboard into a tie for third (-12).
Shaun Micheel: Shot a 3-under, 69. Rose three spots on the leaderboard into second place (-13).

-- One group ahead of Tiger --
Mike Weir: Shot a 1-over, 73. Fell three spots on the leaderboard into sixth (-11).
Geoff Ogilvy: Shot a 2-over, 74. Fell five spots on the leaderboard into a tie for ninth (-9).

-- Tiger's group --
Luke Donald: Shot a 2-over, 74. Fell two spots on the leaderboard into a tie for third (-12).
Tiger Woods: Shot a 4-under, 68. Won the championship by five strokes.

Clearly the Tiger effect was out in full force today at Medinah, but its not like he needed it.

Putting the proper context on the athletic display that graced the Chicago suburbs Michael Wilbon in the Washington Post writes:

Watching Tiger now is as much theater as competition, which is what happens when sport is raised to art, when it commands not only respect but admiration.

Tiger was so brilliant today that even his bad shots seemed to just be setting us up for the golf clinic that was his recovery shots. It was another dominating performance that would have taken place no matter what the gallery, weather, or opponent. He's just that good.

More from the Post:

Said Micheel, who had missed the cut in his last seven majors: "Even if I'd hit every fairway, I'm not sure I'd have been able to catch Tiger. He's too good. . . . He's just such an intimidating force. Tiger has a unique ability to play well when he thinks he's not playing well. I'm not sure anything ever bothers him. I wish I had that feeling just once."

Tiger effect? The gallery? Nah. There's no demonstrable effect that would have made a difference today. The simple fact of the matter is that Tiger Woods is flat out better than any golfer on the PGA Tour by a wide margin when he is firing on all cylinders.

To beat Tiger Woods you have to hope you catch him on an off day, much like you need to do to beat a Cy Young pitcher. If you don't he'll own you. And that's when we all need to make sure we are sitting near our television sets to take in history. The only sad thing about Tiger's victory today in "golf's final major, glory's last shot" is that we now have to wait until April to see if he can do it all again. It is going to be a long winter.

Congratulations, Tiger Woods!

Champion
2006 PGA Championship
2006 British Open

Career Majors: 12

"I can sit here and watch him play and realize that what I do and how I play is not golf."

-- Gary McCord

(transcribed from CBS' live broadcast, exact quote may differ slightly)

The Tiger Effect

On Saturday I had the privilege of attending the 88th PGA Championship at Medinah, and like most people in the gallery I joined the mass of bodies following Tiger Woods.

Watching Tiger is like watching Michael Jordan in his prime -- it is to come face-to-face with the pinnacle of human athletic performance. His swing conjures an almost emotional, awe-inspired reaction completely different than the "standard" impressed feeling that you get from watching "ordinary" professional golfers (who are already better than 99.9 percent of us).

A statuesque figure, with the perfect blend of power and finesse, Tiger is intimidating enough on his own. But what you quickly come to understand when you see Tiger in person (better than you can understand it on television) is that beyond Tiger's sheer and unrivaled athletic ability, he wields the intangible of a large, energized gallery. And in my estimation (as well as the reports of others) this is a big part of the Tiger effect.

Few golfers generate galleries that line up four, five and six-deep around tee boxes. I saw Phil Mickelson tee off of the seventh, and he had a far larger crowd than the other groups ahead of him, but Phil's crowd didn't have the buzz and energy of Tiger's.

Tiger has herd following him around the golf course.

It is a mass of humanity that splits its time between watching his shots and running ahead of Tiger to get a good viewing angle a little bit further ahead on the course. It is respectful, but altogether different than the meandering galleries that line the other 15 or so holes that aren't experiencing the Tiger effect.

The Sports Network reports that Woods is 11-for-11 when he holds at least a share of the 54-hole lead, as he does in this tournament. So that means when Tiger wins he is in the final group. Therefore, if you are playing ahead of Tiger you are subjected to hundreds of people running along fairways, crowding tee boxes, and encircling greens to get a glimpse of their hero.

It is no wonder that golfers accustomed to still and silent spectators that get people sprinting from fairway to green feel out of place. Add to this the fact that they know they are chasing Tiger Woods, and you can see why the competition often withers.

From Michael Wilbon in the Washington Post:

You thought Jack Nicklaus could win, or might win, or in some cases, like at Augusta National, probably would win.

But it never seemed inevitable.

And since missing the cut at the U.S. Open, that's how it seems for Woods.

...The question now, after 54 holes, is who's going to stop him here?

...Mike Weir, who has won a major, also tied the course record with a 65 on Saturday. And while he has won seven tournaments since his meltdown in the final round on this same golf course in the 1999 PGA Championship, one has to wonder if Weir will suffer any effects from that final-round 80 he shot when paired with Woods that day. Weir, flashing back to that day, recalled: "I was uptight. I just wasn't calm about it. . . . No question it was painful." Weir recalled feeling "spacey . . . kind of spun out."

It's impossible to hear that and not wonder how much of that is directly attributable to being paired with Woods, whose galleries are uncommonly loud and mobile. Tiger, having won four times in Chicago in his career, is as beloved here as Mickelson is in New York. But there might be some divided loyalties Sunday because Donald has lived in Chicago since winning the NCAA championship as a Northwestern University student in 1999. He has two PGA Tour victories and two European victories. He played with Nicklaus during the Golden Bear's final British Open round last year, so he is hardly a neophyte.

But he knows Tiger rolls over people when he's even or ahead. He talked about Sunday being "a little bit different," though he must know it will be massively different. "I don't know whether the local support," he said, "will outweigh Tiger's kind of army following him."

It has been quite humid at Medinah -- play Friday was accompanied by a 70 percent chance of rain. One can't help but feel that the chance of the Tiger effect manifesting itself is at least that high today.

A Few Yards Short of Intelligible

Whoever invented the NFL's quarterback passing rating statistic must be related to the guy who created the English system of measurement.

Slate.com:

The NFL's system uses four metrics: completion percentage, yards per attempt, percentage of touchdowns thrown per attempt, and percentage of interceptions per attempt. The four factors are weighted equally.

A score between zero and 2.375 is calculated for each metric. A score of 1.0 is supposed to be average. A completely average quarterback would complete 50 percent of his passes, average 7 yards per attempt, throw 5 percent of his passes for touchdowns, and throw an interception 5.5 percent of the time.

Uh...what...?

Oh, hey, look, a baseball game is on!

Behold the Power of Television

AP:

Researchers confirmed the distracting power of television — something parents have long known — when they found that children watching cartoons suffered less pain from a hypodermic needle than kids not watching TV.

I felt no pain throughout my childhood.

Our Misguided Priorities

Last night I saw An Inconvenient Truth, the global warming documentary warming starring Al Gore.

The film is a startling wake up call that had me thinking all last night, and throughout my wake up routine this morning.

Our priorities are out of whack and we need to start making substantive changes now.

I would urge anyone who has an interest in living on this planet with a predictable, stable and high quality of life to see the film and then start working to become a part of the solution.

Watch the trailer (below). Find a theater. Pledge to see the film (right-side of this page). See the movie. Learn more. Help save the planet as we know it.

NFL Preseason

Quick, think of a sporting event that is overhyped more than the NFL pre-season.

Have you come up with one?

Hmmm....

...What about now?

No, I can wait...

Yankees Begin Tight Rope Walk

No, I'm not talking about the AL East. I'm talking about the Yankees' status as one of baseballs elite teams, anchored by their legendary ballpark. A legendary ballpark that will soon be losing its "living legend" status.

The New York Yankees today officially broke ground on the new Yankee Stadium -- the house that George built.

Via Yankees.com:

The new Yankee Stadium will open in 2009, replacing the third-oldest stadium in the Major Leagues. Yankee Stadium has held up for 84 years, surpassed only by Fenway Park and Wrigley Field.

"This new stadium will present new comforts, new features and be state-of-the-art in every way," Yankees president Randy Levine said. "It will be the most spectacular fan-friendly stadium ever built."

A large artist's rendering behind the speakers showcased the $800 million stadium's majesty. Detailed pictures showed how modern the ballpark will be.

...The new Yankee Stadium will seat fewer than the current stadium, but it will have 60 luxury suites, including three outdoor suites and eight party suites. It will have many restaurants, larger concourses and entertainment areas.

But the Yankees will also carry over some of the time-honored traditions of their current stadium. The field dimensions will be the same, and Monument Park will be transferred to the new park.

The design will even go further back to recreate some of the original park's features. It will have the tall cathedral windows, auxiliary outfield scoreboards, a right-field Yankees bullpen and a frieze on the roof, which is commonly known as the façade and was a feature of the original stadium.

...Along with the $800 million the Yankees have fronted, the city and state are pitching in more than $200 million to build recreational parks along the waterfront and other facilities around the ballpark.

A hotel, convention center and $45 million Yankee Stadium Metro-North Station are also in the plans. Four new parking garages will be built, creating approximately 10,000 vehicle spaces.

[Mayor] Bloomberg said that the stadium's construction will create 6,500 jobs during the next four years and up to 1,000 permanent jobs. The city will spend $1 million in training Bronx residents for the construction.

The plan appears grand, and if they can recapture the look and feel of Yankee stadium in the days of Ruth while adding in high def video boards and expanded concourses, it could very well be a tremendous success. But...there is always the chance that it won't be.

The Red Sox, Yankees and Cubs are some of baseballs most-hyped teams, and a great deal of that can be attributed to their ballparks. So for those of us who have asked what would the Cubs be without Wrigley Field we are about to get an idea.

What are the Yankees when they no longer play on the same surface as Ruth, Gehrig and Mantle? Do they simply become a highly paid team, with a strong W/L record? Or does the legend, the aura, the Yankee pride make the move? Sure, all the trappings of the team and its personnel are moving, but can you surpass/recreate the Yankee experience?

2009 will be interesting.

Greetings from Beta

Oooooh...

Hello, from Blogger beta.

Blogger beta is quite slick mostly because it allows you to change the layout/format of your blog without having to mess around with HTML code. This was a badly needed upgrade. I'm glad I made the change. I would encourage my reader who operates Not Good, Not Good At All to give Blogger beta a try (actually, if I read it correctly, you can't give Blogger beta a "try." Once you go Blogger beta you can't go back).

Happy blogging!

Boldly Going Where Gosh Knows How Many Have Already Gone

After hardly any convincing at all, I have decided to take the plunge and upgrade Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat! to the "new version of Blogger" which is currently in beta. Visitors to this blog (all three of you) may experience some hiccups, but I hope you will bear with me (or more accurately Blogger) as we work to bring you a better version of Spaulding.

Snakes on a Phone/E-mail

This is hands down, one of the coolest marketing things I have seen in a long time:

http://snakesonaplane.varitalk.com

Isn't There Homeland Security Money Available For This Sort of Thing?

AP:

OKOMO, Ind. - A wayward squirrel invaded a power substation and left more than 5,000 homes and businesses without electricity.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me be the first to say that squirrels are an emerging threat in this country and our states have done nothing to secure their borders. Squirrels are free to wander state-to-state, building up caches of nuts and intel without so much as a glance by local law enforcement.

And lest you sleep soundly tonight, I tell you the squirrel threat is not confined to this widespread power outage (which was clearly a malicious attack on commerce in this country). No, the squirrel has shown that he is an enemy who knows know bounds. Just last week he attacked those simply trying to enjoy a day off at the park.

I urge you to take the proper precautions and to form a neighborhood watch. Eyes on the trees; stay in your cars.

And You Thought Dumpster Diving Was Just for College Kids

This sounds like a great employee morale booster. Reuters:

Bankrupt Northwest Airlines Corp. advised workers to fish in the trash for things they like or take their dates for a walk in the woods in a move to help workers facing the ax to save money.

The No. 5 U.S. carrier, which has slashed most employees' pay and is looking to cut jobs as it prepares to exit bankruptcy, put the tips in a booklet handed out to about 50 workers and posted for a time on its employee Web site.

...The four-page booklet, "Preparing for a Financial Setback" contained suggestions such as shopping in thrift stores, taking "a date for a walk along the beach or in the woods" and not being "shy about pulling something you like out of the trash."

...Prepared with the help of an outside company, the booklet encourages employees to manage their money better and prepare for financial emergencies.

"If you have saved some money, pat yourself on the back -- you deserve it," the booklet reads. "Take out only what you need and spend prudently."

How much did they pay the outside company for these awesome tips? Gee, couldn't you find the same thing on Google? Oh wait...why, yes you can!

Results 1 - 10 of about 553,000,000 for how to save money. (0.15 seconds)

Did anybody tell Northwest that they should sell space on their airsick bags?

Can't We Catch a Break?

The world oil market just can't stay healthy. They must have a big red Cubs "C" on the outside of all their tankers and pipelines because it seems like there's a new ailment everyday.

AP:

Japanese tanker spills crude oil
Accident follows collision with cargo ship
BREAKING NEWS
The Associated Press

Updated: 10:43 p.m. CT Aug 14, 2006
TOKYO - A Japanese tanker spilled around 4,500 tons of crude oil in the Indian Ocean following a collision, a news report said Tuesday.

The tanker spilled the oil after colliding with a cargo ship...

Did They Fall Out of an Overhead Bin?!?

Let me preface this by saying that I have never watched an episode of Lost. Realizing that, I probably should not be weighing in on this one, but I can't help myself.

From Access Hollywood:

Three new castaways ready to get ‘Lost’
Elizabeth Mitchell, Kiele Sanchez and Rodrigo Santoro join the cast

BURBANK, CA - Remember those episodes of “Gilligan's Island” when Gilligan would run into some stranger while looking for coconuts and it was never really explained how they ended up on the island? Well, ABC's “Lost” is adding three new characters for the show's third season and, just like that other classic show, no one is saying how they got there.

Over the last week it was announced that actors Rodrigo Santoro, Kiele Sanchez and Elizabeth Mitchell would be the show's latest castaways.

WHAT?!? The show is about an airplane that crashes and strands the survivors (no, not those survivors) on a island. How the heck do you add people to that cast?

I'd say the writers will have their hands full with this one. My guess for how it is handled:

"Holy cow, the guy in 6F finally came out of the can."

Public Restroom Man Laws

From Steve Dahl in today's Chicago Tribune:

....I was using the restaurant's men's room to wash my hands...An older gentleman was stationed at the urinal. When he was finished, I stepped to the side to allow him access to the sink, but he declined and chose to leave the washroom without washing...

The strange thing was that he had a napkin or something that he had already palmed to keep his hand from touching the door handle on the way out. I "drafted," as they say in NASCAR, and went out the open door behind him. I appreciated the opportunity to not have to think about the futility of washing my hands and then touching the filthy restroom door.

I am not a paper on the handle kind of guy, but judging from the piles of paper towels on the floors of many public bathrooms, a lot of people are. I have just chosen not to take things that far. I must admit, however, that someone using the paper barrier after not even bothering to wash his hands was a first for me.

Eeeewww. You've gotta wash your hands! And what is this business with thinking that his parts are clean enough that he doesn't need to wash them, but he does need to protect himself from the door handle?!? Guys who don't wash their hands is why you have to paper the door handle anyway. This is just wrong on so many levels, and I feel the only thing that can be done about it is to call for the enactment of several new Man Laws:

1. All men (and women) must wash their hands using soap and warm water -- none of this water only crap -- before leaving the bathroom.
2. To ensure continued cleanliness all users of said restroom shall open the door using a paper towel barrier between their hand and the handle.
3. All restroom facilities must provide a trash can near the door to collect paper towels that have been used to open the door.
4. Paper towel dispensers must operate in a hands-free manner, meaning the paper towel may be acquired without touching any parts such as handles, buttons or triggers to ensure the continued sterility of the hands.
   
5. (Optional, but recommended) Restroom doors shall open out, not in to the restroom. This enables the opening of the door and exit using a foot, elbow, etc. and relieves the need to have a trash receptacle near the door.
   

Mom, Can I Borrow the Credit Card?

Suckers. There, I said it.

Yep, that's right. All of you who paid $19.95 to watch a pay-per-view preview of Madden NFL '07 are nuts.

To the 99.9% of the general public who has no idea what I'm talking about, a subset of a subset of gamers [video game players] have spent/are spending $20 for the right watch a preview the next John Madden video football game. This is like buying a movie ticket and only getting the trailers.

To those who haven't bought the pay-per-view but are thinking about it: Guess what kids, this year's game is going to be a lot like the '06 version! But hey, if you need to spend 20 bucks to find out that the Giants uniforms look a heckuva lot like last year's go ahead. Oh, and don't forget to save up the $60-$70 you'll need to cough up to actually play the game when it comes out on the 22nd.

From the LA Times:

Using pay-per-view television to promote a consumer product is unprecedented.

But EA Sports and ESPN, who have partnered to make the special that is available at 5 p.m. on satellite and cable television pay-per-view channels as well as ESPN.com, are quick to discount the notion that it is little more than an infomercial that costs $19.95.

"There is a critical difference between this show and an infomercial," said Geoff Reiss, senior vice president in charge of ESPN's original entertainment division. "An infomercial tries to get you to buy a product. The viewers who pay for this program do not need to be sold. Most of them will be lined up outside a Best Buy, or wherever, at midnight on Aug. 22 to buy the game."

So...yep, he thinks they're suckers too.

I like to think I'm fairly marketing-saavy and have half an idea of what people will and will not do, but this one is totally beyond me.

Madden ought to just be charging those turduckens and anything else he fills the Madden Cruiser with right to the personal credit card of anyone stupid enough to pay for this thing because he obviously has a direct line to those wallets.

Toyota Gets It

From the NY Times:

Fuel-Efficient Cars Help Toyota to Strong Profits

By MARTIN FACKLER
TOKYO, Aug. 4 — Toyota Motor Company said its income jumped 39.2 percent to $3.2 billion during the second quarter, boosted by strong sales of fuel-efficient vehicles in the United States, where it passed Ford Motor Company in July sales to rank as the second-biggest automaker behind General Motors.

Toyota, which already ranks as No. 2 in the world, appears on pace to pass G.M. as the world’s biggest auto company, perhaps as soon as this year.

Toyota, which earned $2.3 billion in last year’s second quarter, said its revenue rose 13.2 percent while its vehicle sales rose nearly 8 percent worldwide, to just over 2 million.

'Why I don't understand this...this is just...just...shocking. Americans don't want fuel efficient cars! They want horsepower, SUVs you need a step ladder to get into, and maybe a hemi!'

Sorry American auto industry -- you just don't get it and Toyota does.

Toyota for years now has been offering good looking, good performing, low maintenance, fuel efficient cars. They get it, and after being pounded over the head by skyrocketing gas prices the dull-witted American consumer has finally figured it out too. It is possible to have a comfortable car that gets more than 15 mpg.

One can't help but be saddened by the fact that the richest country in the world is lagging so far behind when it comes to developing and implementing energy saving technologies. Toyota has been coming up fast in the American auto industry's rear view mirror for some time now. One can't help but think Detroit won't "get" it until a Corolla blows by them in the left lane.

Reserve Your E-Mail Name Now!

Cox News Service:

Internet pioneer AOL announced a fundamental strategy shift Wednesday, saying it will remove the last barriers surrounding its subscription services and give away its once members-only e-mail accounts and software.

That's right, if you act now you can still reserve yodaswookiegroomer1138@aol.com!

Castro Illness

From the AP:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A senator Wednesday said President Bush told him the administration was caught off guard by the announcement Monday of Castro's illness...

"The president's comment was that everybody was caught by surprise, and we'll have to wait and see" what U.S. action is necessary, said Sen. Robert Bennett, R-Utah, of his White House meeting with Bush on Tuesday. "I think all of us can say we had no idea this was coming."

No! We didn't know he was ill?!? Didn't he have the decency to complain about stomach pains? Ask for some Pepto...? Something...