Squirrels Continue Assault on Human Civilization

Just when you think it's safe to go outside again, the squirrels strike back.

Reuters:

A squirrel scampered into the bicycle wheel of an unlucky Finnish opera singer, causing him to fall, knock himself out and break his nose just ahead of the world premiere of a new opera.

...The singer ended up concussed and in a local hospital, rather than at his rehearsals for the Finnish opera Kaarmeen hetki (Hour of the Serpent), which opens on September 15.

...The squirrel died in the accident.

Spaulding was among the first to report on the alarming number of guerrilla-style squirrel attacks launched at homo sapien targets. This latest, suicide-style attack is a startling development and marks a change in their tactics.

Just remember: we don't know where, we don't know when, but squirrels will attack and we have to be prepared. Refrain from stockpiling nuts and remain indoors. And please note, it is no longer believed that putting duct tape around your windows will deter a squirrel attack.

The Department of Homeland Security did not increase the national threat level in response to this foreign attack. We remain at yellow (elevated).