Cubs Set to Name New Manager

Continuing their Extreme Makeover: Ballclub Edition, the Chicago Cubs are set to announce that interim president John McDonough will also serve as the manager of the club for the 2007 season.

A source familiar with the team said the move was not completely unexpected.

"They figured why the heck not. It doesn't matter who manages so long as Kerry Wood and Mark Prior are being held together by bubble gum, twine and some of Dusty's old toothpicks."

According to industry experts, barring an Old Style drought or some sort of ivy disease striking the hallowed outfield walls, the move is projected to have no impact on the team's attendance.

Spaulding will have more as this story develops...