Letterman Working at McDonald's

Spaulding will be on vacation for a few days. In the meantime enjoy this comedy gem.

On Wisconsin!

Letterman's Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: One Time

You Know You're Getting Old When...

...you realize how much you've enjoyed 60 Minutes the past two weeks.

Slippery When Wet

RosenBlog:

Kerry Wood fell while trying to get out of his hot tub. Wait, you mean this guy still hasn’t mastered the towel drill?

And This is Just the First Day...

Baseball is back (thank you) and the Northsiders are, um...well, back to mid-season form.

This report on the first day of pitchers and catchers reporting to camp from the Chicago Tribune:

Carlos Zambrano met with reporters and announced he's close to signing a five-year deal, though team sources insisted there's a long way to go and Zambrano has not received a concrete offer.

Kerry Wood skipped the first throwing session after hurting his ribs Monday slipping out of a hot tub, making him the first Cub to be sidelined with an injury.

Alfonso Soriano reported early. Jeff Samardzija was ordered to get a haircut. Ted Lilly insisted the blood from his fight with his former manager was "tobacco chew." Jason Marquis took Sammy Sosa's number. And manager Lou Piniella gave his opening speech to pitchers and catchers.

Wow. Keep in mind the whole team isn't even there. With this much drama the Cubs are three or four angst-filled teens away from being a drama on the CW.

Letterman's Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: Onion Grower

Obama on Energy

When Spandex Isn't Revealing Enough

AP:

...A Dutch gym plans to introduce "Naked Sunday" for people who like to huff and puff in the buff.

...Nude exercisers would be required to put towels down on weight machines and to use disposable seat covers while riding bikes. All machines would be cleaned and disinfected afterward.

There is not enough sanitizer in the world to get me on the exercise bike after a naked, sweaty hindquarters has just dismounted. I don't care how many towels they have under their backside as a protective barrier.

Now Iraq is Affecting Our TV Commercials?!?

A New York Times article claims that the war in Iraq was lurking just below the surface of all those Super Bowl commercials:

No commercial that appeared last night during Super Bowl XLI directly addressed Iraq, unlike a patriotic spot for Budweiser beer that ran during the game two years ago. But the ongoing war seemed to linger just below the surface of many of this year’s commercials.

More than a dozen spots celebrated violence in an exaggerated, cartoonlike vein that was intended to be humorous, but often came across as cruel or callous.

For instance, in a commercial for Bud Light beer, sold by Anheuser-Busch, one man beat the other at a game of rock, paper, scissors by throwing a rock at his opponent’s head.

In another Bud Light spot, face-slapping replaced fist-bumping as the cool way for people to show affection for one another. In a FedEx commercial, set on the moon, an astronaut was wiped out by a meteor. In a spot for Snickers candy, sold by Mars, two co-workers sought to prove their masculinity by tearing off patches of chest hair.

There was also a bank robbery (E*Trade Financial), fierce battles among office workers trapped in a jungle (CareerBuilder), menacing hitchhikers (Bud Light again) and a clash between a monster and a superhero reminiscent of a horror movie (Garmin).

It was as if Madison Avenue were channeling Doc in “West Side Story,” the gentle owner of the candy store in the neighborhood that the two street gangs, the Jets and Sharks, fight over. “Why do you kids live like there’s a war on?” Doc asks plaintively. (Well, Doc, this time, there is.)

During other wars, Madison Avenue has appealed to a yearning for peace. That was expressed in several Super Bowl spots evocative of “Hilltop,” the classic Coca-Cola commercial from 1971, when the Vietnam War divided a world that needed to be taught to sing in perfect harmony.

Coca-Cola borrowed pages from its own playbook with two whimsical spots for Coca-Cola Classic, “Happiness Factory” and “Video Game,” that were as sweet as they were upbeat. The commercials, by Wieden & Kennedy, provided a welcome counterpoint to the martial tone of the evening.

Those who wish the last four years of history had never happened could find solace in several commercials that used the device of ending an awful tale by revealing it was only a dream.

This analysis is probably correct. Iraq malaise could be affecting TV commercials. But rather than probe the commercials that closely, Spaulding prefers to just state the obvious -- this year's Super Bowl commercials just flat out sucked.

Here is a look at five commercials Spaulding can't believe the company spent $2.5 million for 30 seconds to run:

Emerald Nuts

So, lemme get this straight. If I eat nuts nobody messes with my desk... What if I eat raisins, or an apple? Will some obscure celebrity come and clean up my workspace?



Bud Light

Bud reminds us that apes aren't as smart as humans...something only their consumers would need to be reminded of.



Bud Light

You throw a rock at somebody's head just so you can get a bottle of beer. You know who isn't getting any beer? The guy who threw the rock while he does eight to 10 at the county pen.



Snickers

Homophobia...great, such a modern mindset. Does this mean you'll be selling your product at 1968 prices?



Bud Light

Break down everyone into stereotypes and then making fun of immigrants! What a great way to sell beer!



These ads are deplorable. Someone just make them stop. Bring back animated frogs, tell me where the beef is, have Michael Jordan sell me something -- anything -- just don't make me sit through more of this crap.

I'm sure it tested well with the dim witted, but we deserve better. Madison Avenue -- take a do-over during March Madness. Get to work.

Shocker

NY Daily News:

WASHINGTON - Calling Sen. Hillary Clinton a "panderer and a flatterer," consumer advocate Ralph Nader said yesterday he'd be sorely tempted to mount his own 2008 presidential campaign if she wins the Democratic nod.

Really, Ralph, you might run for President?!? Didn't you do enough to keep our country moving forward by taking momentum away from Gore in 2000?

You Just Couldn't Hold It Until the 3rd Quarter, Could You?

Miami Herald:

Nationwide, as fans rush to go before the Super Bowl's second-half kickoff, they'll flush enough water to fall over Niagara Falls for 39 minutes.

Favorite Super Bowl Ad

Spaulding Law: Super Bowl Ads

If you're going to spend $2.5 million on a Super Bowl ad, shouldn't you have to actually create a "new" ad? I don't want to see a $2.5 million re-run. Yes, I'm talking to you T-Mobile Wade/Barkley commercial.

Therefore, effective next year's Super Bowl, all advertisers must create new content in order to be eligible to run an ad during the game. Spaulding Law.

Letterman: Message About February for President Bush