Delayed Response

Chicago Sun-Times:

Urlacher fined $100,000 for Super Bowl hat

Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher was fined $100,000 by the NFL for wearing a cap during Super Bowl media day that promoted a sponsor not authorized by the league.

NFL rules prohibit gear that advertises any product but a designated sponsor, league spokesman Brian McCarthy said Wednesday.

Urlacher was fined for drinking vitaminwater and wearing a vitaminwater hat during the media session in Miami leading to the title game. Gatorade is the NFL's official drink.

Um...wasn't the Super Bowl in early February? This vitaminwater revelation must have come from a "Super Bowl - The Lost Episode" tape.

Oh well, gotta give the NFL Network something to talk about in April...

Favorite Super Bowl Ad

Spaulding Plays Jerry Maguire

OK, let's think about this for a minute. Terrell Owens is recognized as a phenomenal athlete -- perhaps the best at his position. Soooo, if you're his agent, shouldn't you be all over his a** telling him that every time he does stupid stuff like this he is foregoing MASSIVE amounts of money that he could have made in contracts, endorsements, public appearances, etc. if he could just quit doing stupid stuff and play football? You would think so, and perhaps his agent has tried. But if he has, it isn't working...

AP:

ATLANTA - DeAngelo Hall has always considered Terrell Owens to be friend. They would talk on the phone and playfully taunt each other.

Not anymore. Not after Owens spit in Hall’s face.

“He had a couple of nice catches,” said Hall, the Atlanta Falcons’ Pro Bowl cornerback. “You expect that. He’s a great player. Right before the first punt, though, we kind of got in each other’s face, talking back and forth, and I lost all respect for him when he spit in my face.”

Owens, Dallas’ star receiver, acknowledged losing his temper with Hall in the Cowboys’ 38-28 victory Saturday night.

“I got frustrated and I apologize for that,” Owens told the NFL Network. “It was a situation where he kept bugging me and getting in my face.”

Owens beat Hall for a 7-yard touchdown late in the first quarter and a 51-yard score midway through the second Following the third play from scrimmage, however, Hall used his forearms to shove Owens on the Atlanta sideline. Neither player was involved in Jason Whitten’s 19-yard catch to the Dallas 31, but Hall stayed after Owens.

Owens responded by spitting in his face.

TO -- that flushing sound you keep hearing in the background is all the money you could have made going down a massive drain.

Spaulding Law: Unitards

Today the editorial board of Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat! is proud to introduce a new feature called "Spaulding Laws" -- a take off on the one-time very popular Miller Lite "Man Laws."

As you may have noticed, Man Laws have left our TV screen and the Spaulding editorial board believes that it is time someone fill that void -- providing order to a society so desperately searching for direction.

Spaulding Laws will address things that are currently ungoverned, and in some cases will step in to resolve a situation where the governing authority is not living up to its obligations. Today's edition is, sadly, a case of the latter:

Spaulding Law: NFL teams are not allowed to wear the unitard look (a.k.a. matching jerseys and pants) unless they are the classic road whites

A very, very, very disturbing trend has been sweeping the NFL in recent years -- the unitard look. You know it when you see it. This is the one where teams wear matching pants with their dark jersey top. Best described as butt ugly, this Spaulding Law hereby does away with this look entirely.

Should a NFL team wear this look on the field fans are required to actively root against that team, even if it is their own team found to be violating this uniform rule.

Unitards are not professional football uniforms. At best they look like something you would watch your cousin's pee-wee league running around in, and at worst they look like hand-me-downs from some short of shuttered arena football league.
















Professional football uniforms are distinctive, with a contrasting jersey and pant combo.














The only allowable, and endorsed, exception to this rule is with the road white jersey. Matching white road jerseys with white pants is a football classic and should be continued.

With the introduction of this law all NFL teams must revert to wearing professional football uniforms by next weekend.

Spaulding Laws will be keeping a list and checking it twice.

A Few Yards Short of Intelligible

Whoever invented the NFL's quarterback passing rating statistic must be related to the guy who created the English system of measurement.

Slate.com:

The NFL's system uses four metrics: completion percentage, yards per attempt, percentage of touchdowns thrown per attempt, and percentage of interceptions per attempt. The four factors are weighted equally.

A score between zero and 2.375 is calculated for each metric. A score of 1.0 is supposed to be average. A completely average quarterback would complete 50 percent of his passes, average 7 yards per attempt, throw 5 percent of his passes for touchdowns, and throw an interception 5.5 percent of the time.

Uh...what...?

Oh, hey, look, a baseball game is on!

NFL Preseason

Quick, think of a sporting event that is overhyped more than the NFL pre-season.

Have you come up with one?

Hmmm....

...What about now?

No, I can wait...