Public Restroom Man Laws

From Steve Dahl in today's Chicago Tribune:

....I was using the restaurant's men's room to wash my hands...An older gentleman was stationed at the urinal. When he was finished, I stepped to the side to allow him access to the sink, but he declined and chose to leave the washroom without washing...

The strange thing was that he had a napkin or something that he had already palmed to keep his hand from touching the door handle on the way out. I "drafted," as they say in NASCAR, and went out the open door behind him. I appreciated the opportunity to not have to think about the futility of washing my hands and then touching the filthy restroom door.

I am not a paper on the handle kind of guy, but judging from the piles of paper towels on the floors of many public bathrooms, a lot of people are. I have just chosen not to take things that far. I must admit, however, that someone using the paper barrier after not even bothering to wash his hands was a first for me.

Eeeewww. You've gotta wash your hands! And what is this business with thinking that his parts are clean enough that he doesn't need to wash them, but he does need to protect himself from the door handle?!? Guys who don't wash their hands is why you have to paper the door handle anyway. This is just wrong on so many levels, and I feel the only thing that can be done about it is to call for the enactment of several new Man Laws:

1. All men (and women) must wash their hands using soap and warm water -- none of this water only crap -- before leaving the bathroom.
2. To ensure continued cleanliness all users of said restroom shall open the door using a paper towel barrier between their hand and the handle.
3. All restroom facilities must provide a trash can near the door to collect paper towels that have been used to open the door.
4. Paper towel dispensers must operate in a hands-free manner, meaning the paper towel may be acquired without touching any parts such as handles, buttons or triggers to ensure the continued sterility of the hands.
   
5. (Optional, but recommended) Restroom doors shall open out, not in to the restroom. This enables the opening of the door and exit using a foot, elbow, etc. and relieves the need to have a trash receptacle near the door.