Spaulding Law: Unitards

Today the editorial board of Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat! is proud to introduce a new feature called "Spaulding Laws" -- a take off on the one-time very popular Miller Lite "Man Laws."

As you may have noticed, Man Laws have left our TV screen and the Spaulding editorial board believes that it is time someone fill that void -- providing order to a society so desperately searching for direction.

Spaulding Laws will address things that are currently ungoverned, and in some cases will step in to resolve a situation where the governing authority is not living up to its obligations. Today's edition is, sadly, a case of the latter:

Spaulding Law: NFL teams are not allowed to wear the unitard look (a.k.a. matching jerseys and pants) unless they are the classic road whites

A very, very, very disturbing trend has been sweeping the NFL in recent years -- the unitard look. You know it when you see it. This is the one where teams wear matching pants with their dark jersey top. Best described as butt ugly, this Spaulding Law hereby does away with this look entirely.

Should a NFL team wear this look on the field fans are required to actively root against that team, even if it is their own team found to be violating this uniform rule.

Unitards are not professional football uniforms. At best they look like something you would watch your cousin's pee-wee league running around in, and at worst they look like hand-me-downs from some short of shuttered arena football league.
















Professional football uniforms are distinctive, with a contrasting jersey and pant combo.














The only allowable, and endorsed, exception to this rule is with the road white jersey. Matching white road jerseys with white pants is a football classic and should be continued.

With the introduction of this law all NFL teams must revert to wearing professional football uniforms by next weekend.

Spaulding Laws will be keeping a list and checking it twice.