You're Watching MTV...er...ABC

The temperature is hot outside, but it is even hotter at One Ocean View!

...At least that's what ABC wants you to think. One Ocean View is one part Real World - San Diego (which of course in German means a whale's vagina) and one part Real World - New York, all of which adds up to something that you swear should be on MTV but somehow has ended up on ABC.

Yes, that's right, the network that brought you American Inventor, Dancing with the Stars, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Hope & Faith, America's Funniest Home Videos and Supernanny now brings you sex, seduction, vanity, and an unwillingness to grow up on the beaches and streets of New York.

I mean just think about it...who wouldn't want to watch 11 really, really ridiculously good looking 20-somethings parade off to a beach every weekend for some fun in the sun after their weekday sex in the city dries up? Nobody! That's who. Now, take that, a handful of petty problems, infighting, and a splash of sex and you have summer's hottest new show. Thus you can see the genius of One Ocean View.

I'll admit it -- I used to like shows like The Real World. I really liked it back when they had to go off and get their own jobs, not just an MTV-arranged dream job that they always ended up bitching about. But this seems to cross a line.

Maybe I'm old school, but I still think that America's major networks should be airing some sort of quality entertainment, rather than a cable TV-quality placeholder for commerials. (I actually saw an ad for Now That's What I Call Music! 22 in primetime on ABC during One Ocean View. How 1:17 a.m. on MTV2 is that?)

Note to readers: I'm getting a lot of folks faxing comments to me taking issue with my use of 'networks' and 'quality' entertainment. They're citing According to Jim. My readers are correct, I clearly used those terms too loosely, as network TV is not always quality, and when it is, sometimes it does not always get the support it deserves. (See: Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared). I will use 'quality' with great care in the future so long as Jim and Two and a Half Men remain on the air.

MLB Blackout Policy Has Got to Go

Major League Baseball has a wonderful, incredible product that you can subscribe to called MLB.TV. For about $80 a season you can watch live, streaming video of almost every baseball game every day/night. It is awesome -- the ultimate service for out-of-market fans who cannot see their team on their local cable/satellite provider.

So what is the problem? MLB's blackout rules.

Despite the fact that you've paid MLB $80 to get into their little club, they still get to control what games you see -- in other words there are blackout rules that apply.

Those rules are:

MLB.TV LIVE BLACKOUT RESTRICTIONS

Local Live Blackout: ALL LIVE MLB.TV games will be blacked out in both teams' home telecast markets and in Japan.

National Live Blackout: Live games marked with grey icon will be blacked out in the U.S., Japan, South Korea, Guam and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Additionally, postseason live games will be blacked out in Canada.

These rules don't seem too restrictive -- basically, you can't watch the team in your local area -- until you realize that they also apply every time there is a game airing nationally.

The result? (Pictured above) No White Sox vs. Orioles game for me this Saturday because FOX and MLB (despite my PAYING THEM $80) decided the only game I could watch was the St. Louis Cardinals vs. the Chicago Cubs.

Put as succinctly as possible: this is total crap.

I'm buying my way into a specialized content delivery system -- and in my opinion -- the blackout rules should not apply once I pay Major League Baseball out of my own pocket.

The national blackout is the biggest problem because at that point Big Brother is dictating to me what game I'm supposed to care about. In an age of digitalization and globalizationon where I can purchase a Seattle Mariners jersey or San Diego Padres jersey online just as easily as I could a White Sox jersey, this is a completely outdated system that should be destroyed.

The local blackout makes sense, as I understand that baseball has to protect team's local cable/satellite deals, but even this should be revisited. Why if I was a Brewers fan in Milwaukee couldn't I tap into MLB.TV at work to check in on the beginning of the game before I get home?

Interestingly, none of these blackout rules apply for the online radio subscription package even though radio signals often cover areas broaderer than TV signals.

But you don't just have to listen to just me, Yahoo! Sports' Jeff Passan has already done a very good job laying out the problem:

Blackouts, the thinking goes, are in place to guard teams from tickets going unsold because fans choose to watch the game at home. Is it truly necessary, then, to extend territories for hundreds of miles? If Horacio Muñoz, an El Paso, Texas, native who canceled his MLB.TV subscription this year, got off work at 5 p.m. and immediately started driving toward Ameriquest Field for a Texas Rangers game, he would arrive at 2 a.m. A trip to Minute Maid Park would land him in Houston around 4 a.m.

"How ridiculous are they in thinking I would drive in for a game?" Muñoz wrote. "Love baseball, but (this is) just another reason for me to go outside and enjoy the evenings."

On the other hand, blackouts apply when teams travel. So, for example, if a New York Mets fan lives in Orlando, and his cable or satellite provider does not offer the network that carries the Florida Marlins, he cannot watch the nine games each season the Mets host the Marlins at Shea Stadium.

That makes about as much sense as live games being entirely blacked out in Japan (to the chagrin of Kevin Allgood, a Georgia native in Kyoto) and half of Nevada – including Las Vegas, possible home to a major-league team in the future – having its own six-pack of blacked-out teams (the Los Angeles Dodgers, Los Angeles Angels, San Francisco Giants, Oakland Athletics, San Diego Padres and Arizona Diamondbacks).

Mentioning that more than a million people in Washington, D.C., can't see their home team, the Nationals, on cable because MLB's sweet deal gave Baltimore Orioles owner Peter Angelos his rival's broadcasting rights, or alluding to MLB selling its soul … er, TV rights to Fox and, because of that, blacking out every game on Saturday afternoons – well, that would be piling on.

At this juncture, it's too easy to point out the problems because there are so many. It's incumbent upon baseball to think of resolutions rather than sit on its hindquarters while dissatisfaction mounts.

MLB is so much further ahead of the other sports leagues when it comes to delivering their games across a variety of media, but it is clear -- looking at the current blackout policy -- that they don't understand the on-demand world we are moving toward.

It took baseball a long time to heal itself from the 1994 strike which turned so many fans off from the game. Baseball would be incredibly unwise to miss the on-demand train and turn fans off again because they cling to an archaic blackout map rather than embracing the technology which is bringing them closer than ever to their fans.

The Winner is Blu-ray!

Everyone is crazy about DVDs. Heck, I've got a ton of them. But since consumerism cannot get enough of a good thing, we are told that the next generation -- the thing that is better than DVDs -- is just around the corner. The problem? We've got two technologies competing for dominance (think VHS vs. Betamax). Most of us will sit back and relax until the early adopters decide what format is best, and we'll all go with it -- just as we did with VHS. But for the rich and the geeky tomorrow is today.

The battle to be what amounts to DVD 2.0 is currently being waged between Blu-ray and HD-DVD technologies. Each boast even better picture quality than traditional DVDs and a bunch of other bells and whistles that you'll probably never tap into with your remote control.

At this point it seems that it is too close to call on what format will ultimately win. At least that's what I thought until I was informed via a TV commercial about what is going to propel Blu-ray over the top and settle this format battle once and for all.

What is that catalyst? The Benchwarmers is now available on Blu-ray!

Yes, sir, you can now see Rob Schneider and that kid from Napoleon Dynamite in high def! If this isn't going to make those $1,000 players fly off the shelves, I don't know what will.

Other must-own Blu-ray discs include: Hitch, 50 First Dates, Rumor Has It and RV.

No word yet on what format will get Failure to Launch.

Sound on Web Sites

Open letter to all Web designers:

Please stop adding music and background sounds to your Web pages. I'm tired of visually scanning your site to find the "music: on/off" button. The sound doesn't add to my experience, in fact it makes me want to leave faster. Should I tell that to the suits cutting your paycheck?

This Vomit Brought to You By...

Advertising is all about creating associations between images, feelings and emotions related to a product or brand. So who wouldn't want to have their most vivid memory about a brand tied to vomiting at 30,000 feet?

From the Associated Press:

PHOENIX (AP) — US Airways wants to make the most out of a nauseating situation. The Tempe, Ariz.-based airline plans to sell advertisements on its air-sickness bags — those pint-sized expandable envelopes tucked between the in-flight magazines and safety cards.

"They're in every back seat pocket," said spokesman Phil Gee. "We figure while it's there, why don't we make it multipurpose?"

Passengers should see the new, commercialized sickness bags in September, he said.

..."Little things like that work," said Michael Boyd, president of the Boyd Group, an aviation consulting group in Evergreen, Colo. "Barf bags have a lot of shelf life — people aren't barfing as much in planes as they used to."

Honey, you wouldn't believe it...my TGI Friday's potato skins weren't sitting well when we hit turbulence over Little Rock, so I picked up the air sick bag and found out that that we can get a credit card that earns us airline miles with no annual fee! The brand of the card? Uh, well, I threw the bag out when I got off the plane...

Man, that really helps explain college...

I'll admit it, in college I had trouble meeting the ladies. I went out to the bars and stuff, but never felt like it was my scene. I always wondered why I couldn't meet a nice girl -- after all, college is supposed to be crawling with them.

Now several years removed from college I found out why. According to a late night TV commercial I saw all of the hottest singles are staying at home, calling 1-900 numbers, and having an awesome time talking with other likeminded and hot (but never pictured) singles. Why they're not at the bars at all! In fact, often they seem to be doing this while clad in tight, clothes, relaxed on the couch and/or cozied up near a fireplace with a cordless phone.

Boy was I glad learn this so I could get some closure on my college woes. Interestingly enough, at the same time I also found the solution for my need to create a wide variety of nutritious juices quickly and easily. What a relief.

Missed a Holiday

My apologies for missing the National Day of the American Cowboy. I was so busy putting up new barbed wire along my property line that I completely forgot to dedicate an entry on this blog to those who are out there gettin' it done by riding and roping.

Best/Worst Baseball Jerseys

As almost anyone who has watched a baseball game in the past decade knows, the vast majority of Major League Baseball's teams have a third, or alternate jersey option. Purists hate them, average fans seem to like them. Marketing departments -- judging by the fact that some teams have several alternate options -- seem to like them too.

This list ranks teams' alternate jerseys (typically the solid colored top) as well as any alternate road uniforms above and beyond the solid top option. Look for a separate ranking of alternate home jerseys in a future posting.

So, without anymore introduction -- the rankings!


THE BEST


Chicago White Sox

The White Sox pretty much started the alternate jersey revolution so it is only fair that the classic "Good Guys Wear Black" jersey takes top honors. No alternate jersey does as good a job of being both classic and hip at the same time, and the secondary logo on the sleeve seals the deal. The Sox's black top doesn't feel forced because white and black are the team's primary colors. Silver accents around the piping, logo and numbers show that this is a well thought out jersey. Classy enough that it will be stylish for as long as the alternate jersey trend lasts.



Seattle Mariners

A fairly simple jersey, the Seattle Mariners take second place in the jersey rankings because their color scheme works so well for a solid top. The navy base with silver text is crisp and teal accents are very pleasing. Nice use of the secondary logo on the sleeve. Not as loud as the teal tops from Ken Griffey Jr.'s days with the team.







Milwaukee Brewers

A lot of Brewer fans love the glove and ball logo from the 1980s but the current Brewer uniforms have a lot to like. The navy and gold is an excellent evolution from the royal blue and yellow of the Robin Yount glory days. The gold accents around the numbers and "Brewers" script are especially well done.








Boston Red Sox

The Red Sox uniforms are a classic and their third jersey option does a good job of not trying to do too much. Identical to the home uniform in design, the bright red top is a bit shocking at first, but seems to fit the current characters on the team and the needs of the marketing department.







Florida Marlins

Many would argue that this jersey does not belong in the "best" portion of the list, but I feel that the black top with silver "Marlins" is a good look. This jersey rises in the rankings because it gained a little bit of an icon status (as far as the Marlins go) in the 2003 post season. Teal, black and silver outlines around the logo and numbers add a nice bit of pizazz. Sleeve patch is a nice touch.







THE AVERAGE


Houston Astros

The gold "Houston" across the front in script is a good, classic baseball type of look. Texas-shaped sleeve patch fulfills the statutorily required need to honor the lone star state. Good looking jersey -- the Astros might have ranked higher if they didn't have eight million jersey options.







Oakland Athletics

Basic but good looking. The A's jersey doesn't try to do too much. Elephant sleeve patch is much appreciated.










Colorado Rockies

Colorado gets points for putting purple front and center to give this alternate jersey a unique look. Black lettering and numbers are a bit tough to read -- would be interesting to see if they would appear better or simply be ugly if they used silver instead.









Pittsburgh Pirates

Pittsburgh probably didn't work to hard to design this jersey, but it works well. The red accents around "Pirates" and the numbers keeps this jersey from being too boring. And a pirate on the sleeve...nice!








Texas Rangers

A little more interesting than some of the other tops in the middling classification, the Rangers spruce their jersey up with some white piping around the sleeve. The "TEXAS" across the front is spiffy because it uses silver as an accent color. Team uses the Texas flag to fulfill their state deitification.







Chicago Cubs

There is nothing special nor anything especially bad about this jersey. It is a little softballish because the logo is big and the jersey is plain. Interesting use of the National League emblem on the sleeve -- I believe the Cubs are the only team to do such a thing. Of course one could question why (though the American League thanks the Cubs for making it very clear to all that they do not play where the best teams do).

Put a Wrigley Field logo on the sleeve, wear them on select home games throughout the year, and watch the yuppie money roll in...


Baltimore Orioles

Baltimore's jersey is too plain. Could be greatly improved by using white accents around the name and numbers. The Oriole -- be it cartoon or lifelike -- needs to be brought front and center on the sleeve.








Cleveland Indians

Cleveland's alternate option follows the basic pattern of their home and road jerseys in design. This is a fine look, though I'm not totally sold on the white piping and how it interacts with the "Indians" on the front. Red numbers with white outline looks good.









Minnesota Twins

If Minnesota's jersey looks familiar it should. This is basically the Cleveland jersey with red piping instead of white.










Cincinnati Reds

The third jersey option could be a really good look for the Reds, but I just cannot get into the black accents they are pushing.










San Diego Padres

The Padres jersey is not bad, but like all of the Padres current uniforms they don't have a classic feel. Maybe that is part of the easy come, easy go California attitude, but you can't help but think they won't be wearing these in 2010. Not big on the gold semi-collar thingie that also doesn't work well for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or San Francisco Giants. Best part of this jersey? The padre on the sleeve -- why is he not used more prominently throughout the team's image?






THE WORST


Washington Nationals

This jersey on its own is not bad -- although I don't like the white logo, dark numbers look. No, the reason this makes the list is really the fault of the Nationals' whole infatuation with block lettering which really does not go with the classic "W" on their caps. Ditch the block lettering, write Washington across the front in script matching the cap and you'd have a heck of a jersey.





Toronto Blue Jays

Hey Toronto, thanks for jumping on the black bandwagon...about a decade late. This jersey ranks among the worst because it is a part of the whole new-look Blue Jays thing, which seems to be a push toward being the black jays. Toronto's new colors and logo stink, thus this jersey must be ranked among the worst.






Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Dark logo + white numbers + white piping = not a good look. The "TB" logo is not especially good, looking like something you might have shipped in from a AAA team if your real jerseys didn't make the flight from your last road trip. The team does get points for using green instead of black as the base color.







New York Mets

My mom always told me that blue and black do not go together. Clearly my mom did not raise the New York Mets (or the Dallas Cowboys for that matter).

The Mets took a big, big step backward when they added black into all of their uniforms a few years ago, as did the Knicks. (Some consulting firm made a lot of money convincing those NY teams to ruin their iconic uniforms).

Ditch the black -- make this a blue top and we'll talk. (Oh, and Mets, if you're thinking of making it an orange top, please don't).


Arizona Diamondbacks

Arizona's jersey probably doesn't deserve to be ranked this low, but I have a hard time OK'ing the early 1990s purple-teal-gold southwestern look. Purple text on a black jersey is hard to read.








Kansas City Royals

After that consultant got done with the Knicks and Mets, he clearly hopped a Southwest flight to Kansas City. Their incorporation of black is astonishingly bad and should be stopped immediately. I'm sure some marketing genius calculated that black jerseys would increase sales. He must have forgotten about the product on the field.







Boston Red Sox

Wait a second, wasn't this jersey listed among the best?!? Yes. Yes, it was. I can't help but hate this jersey because it just doesn't go with the classic feel the Red Sox sport so well. It feels forced -- did they need a third jersey?

It makes the best list for being a good natural extension of their current home/road jerseys. It makes the worst list because it is a modernization of their classic jerseys.




Colorado Rockies

One look and you know it. This thing is ugly. I don't care what color sleeves they put with this vest, Colorado needs to bury this thing in an old mine shaft never to be seen again. Well, that or donate the jerseys to a women's softball team.









Atlanta Braves

Pass the Tylenol! I've never seen a major league jersey so horrific that it makes my head hurt, but this is it. Ugly, ugly, ugly! You know it gets hot in Atlanta because you'd have to be fighting heat stroke to think this thing was a good idea. The red with navy "Braves" logo is painful and the white accents only help to add to the nausea. The Commissioner's office needs to take action now to ensure that our youth are not exposed anymore to this monstrosity. Hide TBS from your children until this situation is cleaned up.





If you want to buy any/all of these jerseys visit http://shop.mlb.com.

White Sox Therapy Session #1

Second half of the season got you down? Can't believe the losing continued last night? Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat understands. Therefore, presented here for your sanity is White Sox Therapy Session #1 -- good perspective from the Sox taken from today's ChicagoSports.com article. Remember, back away from the panic button.

"I don't blame people who think the way they do right now because we're not playing good baseball. Last year we did the same thing for a month. Now hopefully this is a week or a month we're going to go through it. The bad thing about it is Detroit is playing good." -- Ozzie Guillen

"We knew early in the year when Minnesota wasn't playing well that that wasn't going to last. The Twins went through [bad times] in April, we're going through it now and then we'll be out of it. A month from now everybody will be talking about how good we are. It's just the ups and downs of a season. It's just a matter of, after 162 games, who's left standing." -- Paul Konerko

Gut Check #2

Having pretty much failed Gut Check #1 by winning only one game of their three game series with Detroit after taking the opener, the White Sox now return home to face two decent teams (the Texas Rangers and the Minnesota Twins). Playing the next six games against the backdrop of a sold out U.S. Cellular Field, the White Sox have a lot of work to do.

On the plus side, the Detroit Tigers FINALLY play somebody with some level of talent in the Oakland A's and the disappointing-to-date, Cleveland Indians. (Detroit's schedule doesn't show it, but I'm pretty sure they get to play a Kansas City or a Tampa Bay at least twice a week).

Now 5.5 games behind the Tigers in the AL Central and a slim 2.5 games up on the Yankees for the Wild Card, the White Sox need to stop their downward spiral in what so has been an absolutely dismal second half that has delivered one win over the past six games (and only two in the last nine if you track it back before the All-Star break).

To correct course tonight the Sox send Mark Buehrle to the bump who could use his own course corrected.

The usually steady Buehrle has delivered a string of completely non-Buehrle-esque games in his last few starts that have done nothing but help fuel questions about whether this White Sox rotation is still gassed from last year's playoff run.

Tonight's press notes report that "Mark Buehrle is 0-3 with a 13.81 ERA (22 ER/14.1 IP) in his last three starts." Yikes! Typically stats that bad are put up by guys on the team NotGoodNotGoodAtAll covers.

One cannot help but hope that the Sox will remember that they are a good team after they get a good ol' dose of home cooking -- and based on their record so far this year, home cooking is exactly what they need. More from tonight's game notes:

Home Field Advantage -- At 33-14, the White Sox own the third-best home record in baseball and are on pace to finish with 57 wins at U.S. Cellular Field, matching the franchise record set in 1912 ... the Sox have won 32 of their last 43 home games, outscoring the opposition, 263-176.

Time to get it going 56.

No luck, just wins. Go Sox!

Can't Put the Pieces Together

How come Javier Vazquez can't put a good outing together? He seems to be able to put together a few good innings, but ultimately can't seem to find his way through a solid seven or eight innings that you need from championship caliber starting pitching.

This guy isn't getting killed by a thousand cuts, he's getting decapitated by one big guillotine of an inning.

Scott Merkin, MLB.com:

"As has been the case in most of Vazquez's starts over the past month, the Tigers got to the right-hander in their third time through the order Wednesday night and rallied for a 5-2 victory before a sellout crowd of 39,593 at Comerica Park. Vazquez, who was cruising along entering the sixth inning, allowed all five Detroit runs in the frame."

"...Vazquez has limited the opposition to a .228 average and has a 2.18 earned run average when facing hitters for the first time in a game. Those numbers barely jump the second time through, with a .229 average and 2.54 ERA. On the third head-to-head battle on a given night, Vazquez has a 10.09 ERA and opposing hitters have a .347 average."

OK, Javier, so I guess you get to pitch five innings or so and then we get B-Mac.

Sox-Tigers Game Notes

Some highlights from the White Sox's pregame notes for Tuesday. (Be sure to add in one more win -- YES! -- to be factually accurate, as these notes were written before the 7-1 win).

White Sox vs. Detroit — The White Sox lead the season series, 5-1 ... the Sox, who have won seven of the last eight games against the Tigers and 17 of the last 22, swept a three-game set at Comerica Park on 4/10-13, their fourth at Comerica Park ... three of the five wins have been by one run and a fourth by two runs ... the Sox are batting .259 (52-201) with a 4.33 ERA (26 ER/54.0 IP) and have outscored the Tigers, 32-26 ... Chicago won the 2005 season series, 14-5, going 7-2 at Comerica Park and 7-3 at U.S. Cellular Field ... the Sox trail in the all-time series, 949-971, but are 132-77 since 1992 ... since division play began in 1969, the Sox are 242-234, going 123-117 at home (68-44 at U.S. Cellular Field) and 119-117 in Detroit (35-21 at Comerica Park).

Central Command — The White Sox are 21-13 vs. the American League Central, going 5-1 vs. Detroit, 5-2 vs. Minnesota, 6-3 vs. Kansas City and 5-7 vs. Cleveland ... the Sox were 52-22 (.703) within the division last season, setting a club record for winning percentage against any division.

One Down, Two to Go

The White Sox passed part one of their gut check tonight with a solid 7-1 victory over the Detroit Tigers.

From MLB.com's game wrap:

Tuesday's complete White Sox performance also reinforced one point that has been abundantly clear for most of the past two seasons. The American League Central title still goes through Chicago, although neither team appears ready to yield the division crown after one lopsided victory.

Neither side will admit that the White Sox (58-34) have moved inside the heads of the Tigers (62-31), despite a 6-1 record against Detroit in 2006, a 4-0 ledger at Comerica Park and a 12-2 mark over the last 14 played in Detroit.

"I don't think it's a psychological edge," Detroit manager Jim Leyland said. "I think they've pitched better than we have and hit better than we have. Six times."

What the Sox got tonight, and what they'll need for the rest of the season was solid pitching. Garland continues to show signs that he just had a rough start and that last year wasn't an aberration. Now it is up to the rest of the rotation to shake off any rough outings and pick up the pace.

More from Scott Merkin, MLB.com:

Garland (9-3) won his fifth straight decision. He has not lost since June 8 at home against the Tigers. With 12 earned runs allowed in his last 38 1/3 innings -- a 2.82 earned run average over his last six starts -- Garland currently stands as the most consistent starter on the White Sox staff. The right-hander did nothing to hurt that status Tuesday, allowing one earned run on six hits over seven innings, striking out five and walking one.

Vazquez takes the ball tomorrow.

MLB.com: Entering his 18th start of the season Wednesday night, Javier Vazquez (9-4, 5.07) sits two wins short of 100 for his career and three losses short of 100. The right-hander is 2-0 with a 7.33 ERA in his last four starts and 1-3 with a 5.47 ERA lifetime against Detroit.

Gut Check Time for the White Sox

Well, here we go.

Past the halfway point in the baseball season, the White Sox have come upon what I think is their first real, make-or-break, gut check.

Fresh off of a lame series in New York where they dropped three in a row after the All-Star break, the White Sox now square up in a three game set against the don't-call-us-Tiggers-anymore Detroit Tigers starting Tuesday night.

The Sox are 4.5 games behind Detroit, and have lost six of their last 10.

Yes, there will be ups and downs in any season. But things need to start moving up -- and in a hurry.

The Detroit Tigers come into the series having won six of their last 10. They bring with them the best record in baseball and the best team ERA in the league at 3.54.

Simply put, the White Sox have to perform -- now. You cannot afford to keep falling further and further back behind the Tigers and hope they implode (as some continue to argue they will).

The White Sox also shouldn't count on the Wild Card playoff spot either. After a Bronx beating the Sox have watched their Wild Card lead over the Bombers drop from 5.5 games to 2.5 games. And with a stacked, financed and competitive AL East you can't assume the Wild Card gap will simply expand in good time.

It is up against this background that the Sox will try to take care of their own business (and in turn take care of the Tigers' too), and they'll be doing 2/3 of it with the back end of their rotation. White Sox.com's pitching probables lays out the following matchups:

Tuesday, July 18
Comerica Park | 6:05 PM CT
CWS Jon Garland, RHP (8-3, 5.37) @ DET Nate Robertson, LHP (8-5, 3.36)

Wednesday, July 19
Comerica Park | 6:05 PM CT
CWS Javier Vazquez, RHP (9-4, 5.07) @ DET Jeremy Bonderman, RHP (9-4, 3.59)

Thursday, July 20
Comerica Park | 12:05 PM CT
CWS Jose Contreras, RHP (9-1, 3.48) @ DET Kenny Rogers, LHP (11-3, 4.10)

Buzz around Garland is that he is getting it turned around, Vazquez has pitched well enough to earn him trade rumors, and Contreras is legit.

I'm not pushing the panic button, but I am saying that this series has the markings of something to be included in a Michael Clarke Duncan highlight voiceover, or determine if the 2006 White Sox team will be remembered as simply the team that was good as paper, but lacking the 2005 magic. Let's hope it is the first one.

As Ozzie says, "No luck, just runs."

And Now For Something Completely Different

Pythonline's Daily Llama links to a neat piece of video showing some members of Monty Python's Flying Circus early on in their introduction to the U.S. The Sound of Young America has the details and video:

"KERA-TV in Dallas was the first PBS station to broadcast Monty Python's Flying Circus, and it was the Pythons' first stop in the US after the premier of Monty Python and the Holy Grail in Los Angeles in 1975. This interview footage first aired live on KERA that year, and hasn't been seen by the public since. It was discovered on an old reel that had been saved by an engineer, and as you can see, it cuts off after about 14 minutes... the engineer taped over the rest. It's a look at the group being candidly questioned by fans at the peak of their fame and creative powers."

Fascinating. And who would have thought that a British comedy filled with suggestive humor and boobs would have originated (in the U.S.) out of Texas?!?

Project Runway

I probably don't fit into their target demographic, but I really got hooked on Season 2 of this show. So imagine my surprise when I found that NBC was running the first episode of Project Runway - Season 3 in primetime tonight. It is as if they knew that I decided not to pay for cable TV!

Season 3, Episode 1 was ok, but I think I speak for the majority of Project Runway fans when I point out that we're all just waiting for the next Santino to emerge.



iTunes saavy Runway fans should know that the Season 3 casting special is available free via the iTunes Music Store (at least as of right now it is).

Big [Censored] Deal

On Deadline says that President Bush's use of the word "shit" is one of the hottest topics on the blogs today. I don't get it. What is the big deal? Like Bush, dislike Bush, isn't this something we can all agree on? World leaders swear. Guess what? So do CEOs, sports stars, hotdog vendors, artists, marine biologists, strippers, and clergymen too.

So why am I making a big [censored] deal out of this? Because I find it interesting that instead of the content of the ideas Bush and Blair were exchanging, folks are caught up in the expletive. Big [censored] deal.

Keep Hacking

From USA Today's On Deadline blog, "Golf Digest estimates the average golfer will record an ace once in every 12,000 shots."

Good thing I take a 100 swings every time out there.

Seems like you shouldn't count anything but tee shots in that 12,000, though.

Eh, who cares? The way I see it, I'm 11,00 tee shots away from an ace. Fore!

If Only They'd Put Frickin' Laser Beams on Their Heads

The Tampa Bay Devils Rays are bringing some excitement to their sterile ballpark. Excitement in the form of real, live rays!

From the USA Today's On Deadline blog:

"The Tampa Bay Devil Rays are putting real rays in a 10,000-gallon tank beyond the right-center field fence..."

The St. Petersburg Times fleshes this out:

"The five cownose rays joined two others brought over earlier as the first of 30 inhabitants of the Devil Rays new touch tank at the Trop, where fans will be able to pet the animals like they do at a similar tank at the aquarium in Tampa.

"The 35-foot, irregularly shaped tank is being installed as part of the team's $10-million makeover of Tropicana Field. It is believed to be the only attraction of its kind inside a professional sports arena nationwide.

"Fans will be able to pet and feed the rays inside the three-foot-deep tank for the first time at the 7:15 p.m. July 21 game against the Baltimore Orioles.

"About 50 fans at a time will be allowed to enter the tank area for free, for about 10 minutes. They can purchase food -- squid most likely -- to give the rays."

And since this is a ballpark each squid will cost $7.50.

At first I thought the ray idea was goofy, but I actually think that it is kind of a neat attraction for the team. In fact, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are making this a ballgame attraction as well by donating $5,000 to charity for each ball that makes a splash.

From the team's Web site:

"The tank will also be a fundraiser; for every ball hit into the tank during a game, the Rays will donate $2,500 to the Florida Aquarium and $2,500 to a charity of that player's choice."

So all of this got me thinking, what other zoological and team-related attractions could other teams install in their ballparks and stadiums?

Here are a few (and, yes, professional sports team marketing departments, I am available for hire, leave your contact info in my comments section):

The San Diego Chargers "Power Grid"

Children will have the chance to run across a large, grated metal surface that periodically electrifies to the delight of onlookers.

Pluses:

• make it solar and you can pull in a whole other demographic
• lets the kids run off all that excess energy they picked up from their third bag of blue cotton candy

Minuses:

• lots of electrified hair standing on end
• lawsuits?

Pittsburgh Pirates "Walk the Plank"

So your team is in the dumpster, but you've got a beautiful ballpark, how do you fill those seats? Well as anyone who has gone to a professional sports event knows people love yelling when the 'fan-o-meter' comes on the screen. Good, let's use that. During the seventh inning stretch fans will be able to vote on what pirate walks the plank into the river, with all voting done via voice, a la the fan-0-meter.

Pluses:

• Gives Pirates fans something to cheer about

Minuses:

• Extra time in the dryer for at least one uniform a game
• Players union would probably have some objections

San Jose Sharks "Shark Tank Penalty Box"

People love banging on the glass when hockey players get thrown in the penalty box -- imagine how much they'll like it when they get to watch real sharks torment those who have broken the rules.

Pluses:

• Opens the door to a great new marketing slogan, "Thrills, Chills and Kills?"
• Liability for damage related to injuries sustained by opposing team's players

Minuses:

• You wouldn't want to put your own guys in the box
• High probability Joe Rogan would show up

Arizona Diamondback's "Snakes in a Ballpark"

The movie isn't even out and the Internet is already buzzing. Therefore, to create unrivaled word of mouth, the Arizona Diamondbacks release thousands of snakes throughout the ballpark.

Pluses:

• High probability Samuel L. Jackson would show up and kick some ass

Minuses:

• None

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

This from ChicagoSports.com:

Ring thing

All the White Sox have been wearing their World Series championship rings, and it finally came in handy for Mark Buehrle.

The White Sox pitcher didn't arrive at PNC Park until Monday evening because of a family engagement. But when he approached the gate, a security guard would not let him in.

Buehrle immediately thrust out his fist with the glittery diamonds. It was good enough for entrance.

Nice. Being world champs is oh-so good.

Second half of the season starts Friday. Let's Go, Go, Go White Sox!

Seriously?

From ChicagoSports.com:

Air lawsuit? Man sues because he looks like Jordan

Tribune news services
July 8, 2006

A Portland, Ore., man is suing Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for a combined $832 million. Allen Heckard filed suit, contending he has been mistaken for Jordan nearly every day for 15 years and he's tired of it.

Mascot Voting

In what is sure to generate more citizen interest than a midterm election, the Mascot Hall of Fame (there's a mascot hall of fame?!?) has posted its 2006 ballot for entry into the venerable institution.

Anytime you have YoUDee squaring off against Bucky Badger and Western Kentucky's Big Red, you know it is going to go right down to the wire. (If your mascot's name is probably better known as a brand of gum, wouldn't that hurt your chances at getting in the hall?)

Ladies and gentlemen -- please, please, please -- run, don't walk to your nearest polling location (in every case this will be the computer sitting in front of you) to ensure your voice is heard in this historic vote.

UPDATE: According to the Mascot Hall of Fame's vote tally the Houston Rockets' Clutch the Bear is waaaaay ahead of the competition in the professional mascot category with 3,379,152 votes. The nearest competitor has 1,063,485. Something tells me we need to have Jimmy Carter monitor this election. Those vote totals just don't seem right. I mean, c'mon what does a teddy bear in a tank top have to do with rocketry?

AL Wins!

The American League (in what is becoming oh-so predictable) has defeated the National League 3-2 to win this year's All-Star Game. See The Little League for full coverage of the NL's difficulty playing against baseball's elites.

All-Star Game Update

2 out rally in the 9th! AL takes the lead 3-2, after Paul Konerko starts the rally with a single and Texas' Michael Young slugs a 2 RBI triple to right-center.

Cue Mariano.

The Little League

I don't care what the final score of this year's Major League Baseball All-Star Game ends up at (and it is 2-1 NL in the 8th as I write this), the National League is far, far inferior to the American League. Need proof? How about this from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:

"...over the past nine seasons, the AL has gone 8-0-1 [in the All-Star game]. As it turned out, the highlight for the NL was the 7-7 tie in 2002 in Milwaukee, the game that prompted the format change with the World Series tie-in.

"Beyond that dominance, the AL has swept the past two World Series and ran through the NL in interleague play like General Sherman through the South, going 154-98. "

154-98! That's a .611 winning percentage. And yes, the Kansas City Royals and Tampa Bay Devil Rays are included in that total.

For point of comparison, there are only three teams at the All-Star break whose winning percentage is better than .600. They are:

Tigers
.670

White Sox
.648

Red Sox
.616

And what do all three of these teams have in common? Yep, they're all from the American League.

Welcome

Welcome to Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat!

The title is a tribute to the iconic 1980 film Caddyshack, and Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat! will serve as a location for the discussion of pop culture, sports and whatever the heck else I feel like posting here. A veritable smorgasbord of the buzz on the street peppered with my opinions, Spaulding, Get Your Foot Off the Boat! is sure to wow everyone who reaches this corner of the World Wide Web (and by everyone I mean the 99 percent of visitors who will happen upon the site simply by clicking 'next blog' in the Blogger bar at the top of this page).

Happy blogging!